ProConnect

Missing Your Ex? Get Some Relationship Perspective

By

Missing Your Ex? Get Some Relationship Perspective
Getting over a break-up is much easier with a little perspective.

I’ll be the first to admit that my relationship past hasn’t been the happiest. I've had my share of bad dates and bad relationships. I've dated the selfish guy, the troublemaker, and the emotionally unavailable man. I've gone back and forth with the guy who looked great for me on paper, even though we were miserable. It was all so difficult. So painful. I had enough stories, I actually wrote a book about it.

But one relationship put things in a whole new perspective for me. Suddenly my patterns became clear.

More from YourTango: 4 Ways Being Too Nice Can Ruin Your Relationship

The first time Tim and I argued, he acted like the stereotypical girl. He became dramatic and said, "I don't feel like talking tonight. I'll feel better tomorrow." Then tomorrow came, and he was still upset. I called to see if he wanted to talk, but I was on my way to pick up a friend at the airport and couldn't talk for long. "Ok… Ok… Ok…" is all I said as he voiced his feelings and ended things.

And that's when it hit me. I realized then how odd it would have been for him to call me back and say, "Let's talk," or "I miss you." Yet, these were things I had previously said to other guys after I had broken up with them.

Yes, it certainly would have been odd for Tim to call me back. Crazy, almost. Emotionally unstable, if one day he's breaking up with me, and the next he's calling me to say he misses me and wants to talk. Something would clearly be wrong with his judgment. Perhaps it would mean he was desperate for love, desperate to hold on to something, even though he knew it didn't feel good to him. He didn't call back. Well, not at first.

After my friend's visit, I emailed Tim to finally respond to his feelings. I didn't want to call and hear him repeat himself (I certainly didn’t need to hear the breakup again), but I did want to acknowledge his feelings. He responded to my email, and wanted to talk. Before we knew it, we were dating again. And it was good. The misunderstanding that had originally upset him was behind us. And it was the best, healthiest relationship I had ever been in. For months, I was finally getting back what I put into a relationship. I remember thinking, "This is what a relationship is supposed to be like."

But the happier I became, the more scared he became. And Tim broke up with me again. As much as I wanted it to work, I thought, "He broke up with me twice now. I could never get back with him." And again, it hit me. I had gone back and forth with other guys in the past. And they had gone back and forth with me. I had ended past relationships because of how I was treated, and then went back because I missed everything else. How odd that must have seemed to these guys. How confused I must have seemed. How confused they must have been, too.

More from YourTango: How To Enjoy Speed Dating: 5 Essential Tips For Women

Looking back, I find it difficult to defend my actions. I find it difficult to explain what I thought I would gain by going back to a guy I had just broken up with. And I find it difficult to understand why Tim got back with me.

Keep reading...

More Juicy Content From YourTango:
Commitment Phobias for Men and Women [EXPERT]
Advice and Tips for Healthy Relationships
YourTango’s Best Relationship Advice

Share this with someone you love (or even like a lot)!

Let's make it
FB official
Recent Expert Posts
Staying Dry

10 Signs Your Guy is Smitten

Does that new hunky guy you've been dating see you in his future? Here are 10 ways he'll show you.

Girl Decorates Easter Eggs

Rebirth Renew Happy Easter!

Five ways to get going on your best life today!

Texting Your Way To Love

How To Have Cyber Sex: 5 Keys To Unlock Your Lady's Passion

Cyber sex partners disappearing right when things are heating up? Make them crave you instead!

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

Resources
How to find the right pro for you
10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

YourTango Experts can help your business go from good to great.

10 Steps To Improve Your Coaching Business

Take your coaching business from mediocre to great in no time…

Frequently Asked Questions About YourTango Experts

Thinking of joining? Here's all the facts you need to know to make the most of your membership.

Getting Your Guy To Join You In A Therapy Or Coaching Session

So how can your get your strong, self-reliant, superman to talk to an Expert with you?

Therapist/Counselors: Who We Are & What We Do

What exactly does a therapist/counselor do and can they really help?

See more resources>
HOT STUFF!
FROM OUR PARTNERS