Thoughts from a dating expert on how to handle the ultimate question: "What's your number?"
A couple weeks ago, I saw the Anna Ferris “What’s Your Number?” movie. In case you haven’t seen it or a preview of the film, it has nothing to do with guys using lame pick-up lines at bars to get phone numbers written on napkins. Or, ummm, entered in the iPhone 5.
Instead, the movie is about a young woman who finds herself reflecting on her love life—or lack thereof—as she prepares to be the Maid Of Honor in her sister’s wedding. Just for the record, I’ll be MOH in my sister’s wedding this July….. and maybe I can relate!
To sum up, Ferris’ character rewinds to the past twenty men she's had relationships with in her life and wonders if one of them might be her true love. This investigation was prompted by a magazine article suggesting that the more partners a woman has, the more likely she is to get a divorce!
Now before you get your panties all twisted in a bunch, I am not here to comment on whether I think a promiscuous past is a leading factor in divorce. (But in case you are interested in my expert point of view, I don’t think it’s a leading factor but that it can play a role. Perhaps, a tendency toward a lack of sexual satisfaction in a monogamous relationship and/or or greater likelihood of infidelity come to mind.) Also, I am not here to judge the number of partners you’ve had or didn’t have, but to share my two cents about a woman’s number in today’s society.
Based on my worldview and experiences, in a lot of instances, a woman is damned if the number is too high and damned if the number is too low. That being said, I tend to believe she may be less damned if her number is on the lower side, because many men I’ve worked with would prefer a girlfriend who is “a lady in the street and a freak in the bed” without necessarily having been around the block a few times! However, if you are a lady who had a lot of fun in college, don’t fear: There are plenty other great guys who appreciate a woman who knows her way around the bedroom!
If you are a female, chances are you will be asked the ultimate how-many-people-have-you-slept-with- question at one time or another. Sometimes it’s sooner rather than later.
Yes, men are asked too, but less so, because many a smart woman doesn’t want to know. (Not to imply all men are slutty, but I’ve heard about guys and their lists!)
So what’s a girl to do? How do you answer that question when you are dating someone new?
In my opinion, you avoid it at all costs--not because you slept with a lot of people, not because you slept with one person. You don’t have to reveal this personal information to a man you’ve just been on a few dates—or arguably even your boyfriend—because the past is none of his business! Unless you have an STD or a reason he should be insecure! Don’t reveal this unless you want him to judge you by your number! Your number should have no relevance on whether or not you sleep with him and how soon you do it!
Without a doubt, this is one “Don’t ask, don’t tell” policy I approve of!
Do you have a question about your number? Need advice on dating, sex, and love? Talk to an objective professional about your love life by visiting RachelRusso.com and learning more about Rachel’s Dating, Relationship, & Image Coaching services. If have a burning question, go to her website StatusMakeover.com and click on “Hot Question” for a personalized email reply within twenty four hours.