Slow down, savor each moment, and expand your pleasure.
While there are specific techniques for guys who want to last longer in bed, what most people really want to know is how to make their erotic experience last longer from start to finish. They want a more satisfying, exciting erotic experience overall, not just longer intercourse.
So for everyone who wants to know how to have more fulfilling sexual encounters, here are our top 10 suggestions for making the lovin' last longer.
1. Savor the seduction.
Many long-term couples schedule sex, a common (and smart) strategy to make sure intimacy doesn't fall to the bottom of their to-do lists. If you know a sex date is coming up, begin seducing your lover a few days in advance. And even if you don't have a date night planned, make the effort to seduce your lover all week long.
On your own, start thinking about what you might like to experience. Do you want a relaxing full-body massage? Or perhaps you want to frisk it up and get a bit wilder this week? Let your own anticipation build, tease your lover by telling them how excited you are for your date night and notice what happens. When you get your mind on board, your body starts anticipating "the big event."
2. Kiss like teenagers.
Remember when you were a teenager and would make out for hours on the couch or in your car? Remember the thrill, the passionate excitement behind simply kissing? How erotic and pleasurable it felt? Where did that thrill go? It's time to find it again.
If you really want to know how to last longer in bed, start by spending more time kissing. Really make out, letting your lips and hands explore one another's clothed bodies. Take turns kissing and being kissed. Enjoy that most basic intimacy that comes along with kissing on the lips alone. Allow your body to build up, full of your most passionate desires.
3. Undress slowly.
You don't have to offer an elaborate strip tease to enjoy the process of undressing together (though, that's a nice twist to your date night). Simply take the opportunity to enjoy watching one another undress. Many couples start with a shower, either alone or together. Linger in the bathroom together, and enjoy looking at each other.
If you have body shame or don't like being seen, dare yourself to let your lover to see you in your nude glory anyway. Trust that they find you beautiful and allow the charge to build as you drink one another in with your eyes. Tell your lover what you find hot about their body, and gracefully receive any compliments they offer you.
4. Start with a sensual massage.
One of the hardest parts about squeezing sex into a busy life is transitioning your mind and body from your hyper-focused everyday life to the more relaxed erotic zone. The absolute best way to de-stress and get turned on is by sharing massage with your lover.
Learn how to offer deep, satisfying massage at home and take five or ten minutes to exchange massage before you start making love. Massage encourages you to relax and breathe deeply. A great foot massage, back massage or butt massage will prime your body for more pleasure.
5. Explore every inch of each other's bodies.
After you have warmed up one another's bodies with luxurious massage, transition to the erotic zone by exploring every private inch of each other. Use a wide range of erotic touch techniques, from a feather-light caress to rough scratching and touch your lover's entire body.
Tease your lover by getting oh-so-close to their most sensitive spots and then circling away. Explore highly sensitive areas like the neck, wrists and behind the knees. Pay close attention to how your lover responds and you'll quickly find some new favorite ways to turn them on.
6. Take turns touching.
Many couples have sex in a constant give-and-take pleasure mode, touching their lover at the same time they're being touched, rushing towards the finish line together. Choose to take turns and sex lasts much longer.
Take turns being the Giver and Receiver. As the Receiver, your job is to relax and truly feel as much pleasure as possible. As the Giver, you get to lavish your lover with pleasure. Learn how to use your hands to delight your lover and take them on a journey of arousal.
7. Explore creating peaks and valleys.
Many people have what we call "balloon sex" — building up arousal as quickly as possible, getting very tense, and then "popping." This usually means sex lasts only a few short minutes.
Start thinking about exploring peaks and valleys of arousal, rather than one steep climb. This is a key concept of the edging technique that we teach to men: bring your arousal up as high as you can without climaxing, and then back away. Touch the rest of the body, take a few deep breaths and relax as much as you can. Then build up again towards climax.
Make it a game! Tease your lover and see just how long you can keep them going.
8. Focus on your breathing.
Learn how to breathe more fully. Focusing on your breath will expand how much pleasure you can feel and relax the tension that often builds during arousal. If you're feeling overwhelmed or anxious during sex, take a few slow, deep, deliberate breaths and notice what happens.
If you're being stimulated and want the pleasure to last longer, take a few deep breaths and you'll be able to soar even higher. Mindful breath is one of the best kept sexual secrets.
9. Amplify the intimacy.
Once you've made the effort to get into a loving, erotic zone with your partner, take full advantage of it and stay suspended in the bliss of that connection. Choose to get more intimate and draw out the experience. Don't focus just on learning how to last longer in bed — choose to make lovemaking even more emotional and soulful.
As you're making love, make eye contact with your lover and hold it longer than first feels comfortable. Eye contact during sex is extremely intimate and vulnerable. Or increase your intimacy by talking to your lover and telling them how much they mean to you.
Let your emotions flow, whatever they are in the moment. Some women even find themselves crying during or after sex. Create the conditions where you can cry, express your emotions fully, and allow your partner to simply witness you and love you, without needing to understand or fix anything. Amplifying intimacy with your lover helps sex last longer and feel more fulfilling on a deeper level.
10. Ask for more.
If your lover is completely spent but you can keep going, don't be shy to ask for more. Even if your lover can't take any more pleasure in their own body, perhaps they're willing to tend to you. Once you are in the zone, stay there as long as you choose. Even if your lover is totally exhausted, chances are, after a bit of a rest, your energy will inspire them to join in again. Time for round two.
Learning how to last longer in bed isn't simply about delaying ejaculation or orgasm — it's about choosing to extend your sexual experience on every level.
It's about savoring the opportunity to exchange multiple levels of pleasure with your lover. You can last longer by slowing down in the beginning, expanding the arousal you're capable of feeling, and drawing out the climax for as long as possible.
Let's face it: you work hard, and making the time for sex is often really challenging. So once you're there and "in the zone," stay awhile and pleasurably extend the experience as long as possible. You'll feel more sexually satisfied, experience more intimacy, and be surprised at just how much pleasure you are capable of feeling.