Whether you are totally new to sex or just want to discover how to have even better sex in the future, this guide is for you. Sex can be one of the most exquisite experiences in life—but no one gets an instruction manual! Until now.
Here is the Pleasure Mechanics Ultimate Beginner's Guide on How To Have Sex—the right way!
Also be sure to check out our free podcast episode, The Beginner's Guide to Great Sex
The truth is, when it comes to how to have sex there is room for limitless creativity and personal expression. The rules that follow give you a strong foundation so you can enjoy the process of learning how to have sex—as a total beginner or anytime you want to make your sex life stronger!
How To Have Sex Rule #1: Forget Hollywood
If you learn how to have sex from watching movies, you'll have a disastrous sex life. In almost every sex scene in a hollywood movie, the lovers kiss passionately, tear one another's clothes off, fall into bed and within seconds the man is thrusting roughly. Cut to the starlet throwing her head back in passion. End scene. Fail.
In real life, you don't need to rush to get through sex. Take your time. Enjoy each phase of seduction, foreplay and the slow delicious build to orgasmic climax. Every time you get intimate, you have the chance to build up anticipation, tease your lover, create longing and slowly reveal yourself to one another. So forget what you see on the silver screen and choose to make sex a long, seductive journey rather than a sprint to the finish.
How To Have Sex Rule #2: Sex Is Not Just Intercourse
When you are discovering how to have sex, you may be fixated on intercourse as the ultimate sex act. This myth will ruin your sex life if you let it. Let's be clear: Intercourse can be amazing. It is super intimate and can be highly pleasurable for both men and women.
But here is the truth: Over 70 percent of women don't have orgasms through intercourse alone! So if you want to learn how to have sex that is orgasmic for everyone involved, you need to expand your definition of sex. "Having sex" can be defined in many ways, but we like to think of it as any activity that creates intense arousal. When you learn how to have sex that includes way more full body touch, fingering, handjobs and oral sex, your sex life becomes way more satisfying.
How To Have Sex Rule #3: Master Foreplay Techniques
As you learn how to have sex, shift your understanding of foreplay from a quick warm-up to the main event. Instead of thinking about foreplay as what comes before intercourse, think of it as what comes before climax. When you shift your expectations, you quickly realize that foreplay is by far the most pleasurable part of sex. Kissing, full body touch, massage, fingering, handjobs, oral sex and even anal stimulation can all be part of your slow, luxurious build of arousal.
How To Have Sex Rule #4: Get Comfortable Naked
We offer free sex advice to men and women around the world, so we get to hear what people are struggling with. One of the most common themes is body shame—people are so embarrassed about their body that they avoid being seen naked by their lover. Often it is one body part that causes particularly deep shame: jiggly thighs, sagging breasts, puffy nipples.
Something is too big, too small, not quite right. All too often, this shame is rooted in one person being cruel, a childhood incident of being teased transformed into lifetime body shame. Don't let childhood bullies get the best of you: embrace your body as it is, right now.
If you want to learn how to have great sex, you must get comfortable with your body and become confident in being seen naked. Trust us, your lover is not as concerned about your body being perfect as they are about you having a good time. In all our years of sex educators, we have never once talked to someone who really loved someone but didn't want to have sex due to some random imperfection. In fact, lovers often find your flaws to be adorable and lovable!
One of the fastest ways to shed body shame is go somewhere you can see other people naked—a sauna, hot springs, a nude beach. Seeing lots of people naked reminds you that you are just like everyone else: glorious and imperfect, flawed but beautiful. If group nudity feels out of bounds, try just spending more time naked while you are alone. Get used to seeing your body move and learn to love it so you can freely share your body with your lover and receive all the pleasure you are capable of feeling! Keep reading...
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