Make it hot sex every time.
Whether you are totally new to sex or just want to discover how to have sex that's amazing in the future, this guide is for you. Sex can be one of the most exquisite experiences in life, but no one gets an instruction manual... until now.
The truth is when it comes to how to have sex, there is room for limitless creativity and personal expression. The rules that follow give you a strong foundation so you can enjoy the process of learning how to have sex — as a total beginner or anytime you want to make your sex life stronger.
1. Forget what you've seen in the movies.
If you learn how to have sex from watching movies, you'll have a disastrous sex life. In almost every sex scene in a Hollywood movie, the lovers kiss passionately, tear one another's clothes off, fall into bed and within seconds the man is thrusting roughly. Cut to the starlet throwing her head back in passion. End scene. Fail.
In real life, you don't need to rush to get through sex. Take your time. Enjoy each phase of seduction, foreplay and the slow delicious build to orgasmic climax. Every time you get intimate, you have the chance to build up anticipation, tease your lover, create longing, and slowly reveal yourself to one another. So forget what you see on the silver screen and choose to make sex a long, seductive journey rather than a sprint to the finish.
2. Remember that sex is not just intercourse.
When you are discovering how to have sex, you may be fixated on intercourse as the ultimate sex act. This myth will ruin your sex life if you let it. Let's be clear: Intercourse can be amazing. It is super-intimate and can be highly pleasurable for both men and women.
But here is the truth: Over 70 percent of women don't have orgasms through intercourse alone. So if you want to learn how to have sex that is orgasmic for everyone involved, you need to expand your definition of sex.
"Having sex" can be defined in many ways, but we like to think of it as any activity that creates intense arousal. When you learn how to have sex that includes way more full body touch, fingering, handjobs and oral sex, your sex life becomes way more satisfying.
3. Master foreplay techniques.
As you learn how to have sex, shift your understanding of foreplay from a quick warm-up to the main event. Instead of thinking about foreplay as what comes before intercourse, think of it as what comes before climax.
When you shift your expectations, you quickly realize that foreplay is by far the most pleasurable part of sex. Kissing, full body touch, massage, fingering, handjobs, oral sex and even anal stimulation can all be part of your slow, luxurious build of arousal.
4. Get comfortable naked.
People are so embarrassed about their body that they avoid being seen naked by their lover. Often, it is one body part that causes particularly deep shame: jiggly thighs, sagging breasts, puffy nipples. Something is too big, too small, not quite right.
All too often, this shame is rooted in one person being cruel, a childhood incident of being teased transformed into lifetime body shame. Don't let childhood bullies get the best of you. Embrace your body as it is right now.
If you want to learn how to have great sex, you must get comfortable with your body and become confident in being seen naked. Trust us, your lover is not as concerned about your body being perfect as they are about you having a good time.
One of the fastest ways to shed body shame is to go somewhere you can see other people naked — a sauna, hot springs, a nude beach. Seeing lots of people naked reminds you that you are just like everyone else: glorious and imperfect, flawed but beautiful. If group nudity feels out of bounds, try just spending more time naked while you are alone.
Get used to seeing your body move and learn to love it so you can freely share your body with your lover and receive all the pleasure you are capable of feeling.
5. Learn how to have sex with yourself.
If you want to know how to have sex with someone, you need to know how to have sex with yourself. Masturbation is not just for teens — it can be a lifelong skill and practice in pleasuring yourself anytime you wish. Through masturbation, you'll learn about your most sensitive spots, what kind of touch you like best, and what techniques bring you to orgasm.
Then you can bring all of this knowledge into the bedroom as you discover how to have sex that is fulfilling and exciting. Orgasms are incredibly healthy and masturbation helps you tap into their healing power when you can't sleep, have a headache, feel creatively blocked or are a little down on life. Proudly claim your ability to pleasure yourself and learn how to have sex with yourself.
6. Learn how to have a female orgasm.
If you want to learn how to have sex that is more orgasmic for everyone involved, focus on giving the woman an orgasm every time before intercourse begins. Most women need focused clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm, so learn how to use your hands and mouth to bring her to orgasm every time.
Then, intercourse can be much more relaxed and playful. Intercourse will feel way more pleasurable to her after orgasm, and he can relax about how long he lasts and shed the performance anxiety that hold a lot of men back from enjoying sex.
When you are having intercourse, keep up the clitoral stimulation. In some positions, like doggy style, a woman's lover can reach around and stimulate her clitoris while penetrating. In other positions, it may be easier for her to stimulate her own clitoris. Just don't ignore her clitoris, whatever you do.
7. Ease into penetration.
The first moments of penetration can be incredibly intimate and arousing. So don't rush through by penetrating all at once. Learn how to have sex with patience, focus, and precision and you'll be an extraordinary lover.
When penetrating (any orifice!) go slowly. Linger in the moments just before penetration, and make sure your lover is ready for you. You can even ask for permission, which can be way sexier than it sounds. Imagine hovering just outside your lover's body, looking them right in the eye and asking, "Ready for me, baby?" and seeing the desire on their face as they breathlessly say, "Yes!"
Penetrate slowly, one inch at a time. Hold still after each shallow thrust, giving your lover's body time to receive you fully. Then, once you are fully inside, hold still again and savor the sensations of being fully engulfed in the warmth of your lover's flesh. Next, thrust slowly and gently, paying attention to each nuance of sensation. Build up your speed and rhythm slowly, and only go as fast and hard as your lover likes it.