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People want to be in a relationship, but there are many obstacles to fulfilling that desire.

This year’s Valentine’s Day has come and gone. If you had a Valentine, did you take the opportunity to make a commitment with them? If not and you wanted one, did you make a commitment to yourself to understand why you are not in one?

Here are 7 reasons that keep people from committing to a relationship:

  • I am afraid I may choose the wrong person.  What if I don’t really love this person?  What if there is someone better around the corner? What if I am being used or manipulated (for sex, money, citizenship)? What if I find out later that my partner has some big secret they are hiding?
  • I am afraid of giving up my freedom. What if l have to give up something important, like nights out with my girlfriends or golf with my buddies? The relationship will become stifling and not fulfilling.
  • This person could decide to leave me. What if I give myself to the one I love, and they abandon me? I would be devastated. I would feel really vulnerable. Maybe I’d better not risk it.
  • This relationship might get really boring. What if I get bored with this relationship, with nothing new or exciting happening? I may want more variety in my relationships than one relationship can provide. 
  • I may lose my identity and sense of self in the relationship. I may always try to please my partner, keep compromising, ignore my own needs and never be really happy. I am afraid that I will become the person my partner wants me to be, with no room to be my real self. 
  • This will take too much work. I am too busy to spend hours working things out in this relationship. We are too busy and exhausted to deal with everything. I feel like I might be better off just being alone and not being responsible for so much.
  • I might get stuck. What if the relationship doesn’t work out? What if we buy a house and/or have kids together, I might feel trapped, guilty and miserable.

If any of these fears resonate with you, the next question you have to ask is, does your partner know that you feel this way? By talking together, you may clarify where the obstacles are. People get scared of giving their word to someone or something, no matter what it is. But, even with all these fears, people still want to be in a relationship. Don’t let these fears prevent you and your partner from forming a lasting commitment.

If you want to learn how to commit to your relationship, visit us at Couple We would love to hear your thoughts and comments about the blocks you see to commitment in your life. Also, check out our book, Lifelong Love: 4 Steps to Creating and Maintaining an Extraordinary Relationship. We have been married, treating, presenting and writing about couples for nearly 40 years, and have found that there is more joy possible in relationships than most people have ever imagined. Stop and think about that!

This article was originally published at Reprinted with permission from the author.

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