Is Texting Helping Or Hurting Your Relationship?


Is Texting Helping Or Hurting Your Relationship?
Texting can produce substantial stress for couples unless the ground rules are made explicit

Are you like Sarah who said..."I have a love-hate relationship with my phone (the world of texting and INSTANT messaging)? On the one hand I like being able to contact any one of my friends pretty much at the drop of a hat, if I need to, because I know that if it's urgent they'll get back to me, almost immediately. On the other hand I hate how technology (not just cell phones; bbming, ichat and the like, but also facebook and other social network sites) has drastically affected the relationships we have with others."

I'm old school and traditional in the sense that I like the more personal face-to-face communication usually had among friends, partners, family members etc. Because you get so much more out of that, face-to-face communication then you would ever get out of an online conversation.


Technology, as great as it is for speeding up our lives and making information accessible, it has completely damaged and diminished the interaction between people, and even the ability to communicate properly with people in person.

No body wants to be asked out on MSN, that's just plain sense. A phone call would be more suitable (at least let the person hear your voice), better yet in person. But we live in a society that builds up the advantages of having technology that it almost seems okay to do that (ask someone out over the internet). But I see it as a barrier. Talking constantly through text messages or online as opposed to on the phone or person-to-person detracts from the ability one has to really get close to someone. Meaningful conversations are better in person because you get to see the person, pick up on their body language and tone of voice, stance, etc. And no emotion or font style can make up for that. You learn so much more about a person from being physically there, with them, instead of online, with them.

When I send a text there is an expectation in receiving one back. Especially when it's a conversational text (back and forth, back and forth) or one that is left with a question (forcing the other to get back to me). And when I don't I get one back, I tend to get all worked up for nothing because as it turned out the person on the other end was busy, they just didn't have the decency to tell me. It's common courtesy to let me know that you're busy so I'll leave you alone and stop texting. This type of thing would never happen, usually never happen, in a face-to-face conversation, because people tend to chat for a bit and then politely part ways.

 I feel that depending on texting as a means of contact can be detrimental to the health of the relationship. If you communicate mostly through texting or other non-personal ways of contact, you lose the ability to relate to someone in person and it becomes much more difficult to develop intimacy. It is especially essential that important conversations occur in person, not over texting. I refuse to discuss important conversations with my boyfriend over the phone if we are able to see each other. In the past, I have relied on texting or internet chatting as a means of communicating in relationships not realizing that it was affecting my ability to relate to the person when I was actually with him.

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