Be Wary Of These Money & Marriage Mistakes

By

Be Wary Of These Money & Marriage Mistakes
Marriage offers a great sense of security and stability... if you play your cards right.

"…Richer or poorer, to have and to hold until death do us part..."

Whoops… this sounds like quite a commitment. How do we see into the future and know that this person will be our partner for the rest of our lives, regardless? We don't. And we really don't if we are not clear about who we are, which is why the divorce rate is so high: 50 percent!

There is a reason happily-ever-afters are called fairy tales; they are the invention of a rich imagination from someone defining what they think perfection is. And, more importantly, fairy tales include being rescued... and always by a man. To be more specific, a rich, handsome PRINCE discovers a beautiful woman who is poor but has a heart of gold; she has to have some noble qualities to bring to the table. 

This is a very unrealistic view of finances and marriage. Are you living in a fantasy fairy tale? Are you making any of these mistakes when it comes to matters of love and money?

Mistake number 1: Keeping secrets about money.

This is the most dangerous mistake of all because it involves losing trust. Trust is the cornerstone of any good relationship. Break it and the journey to reclaim it is long and tricky. Do it twice, and you are creating the conditions for a disaster. In other words? the "steps" in your two-story home looked reliable, but the bottom one already gave way.

Mistake number 2: Assumptions.

The feelings of being in love often distract us from reality. Being in love in the early stages wraps us in the expansiveness of feeling that everything is okay… ergo, everything will be okay. Wrong assumption! Fairy dust does not sprinkle down and solve an argument about money. If you did not have the pre-martial money discussion, you have left the back door open. How can you avoid this? Have those difficult money talks before you get married, not after. 

Mistake number 3: Not taking responsibility.
Sometimes, with all good intentions, things just go awry. We did not plan it to happen; it's just the way it unfolded. When the people involved don't take responsibility for their behaviors, and it spills into money, things get very messy — especially if family members are involved. If you made a mistake or your financial situation has gone all wrong, own up and handle it calmly with your partner.

Mistake number 4: Not talking.

So you've been together long enough the blush is off the rose. You have settled in to a nice comfortable pattern with each other. Things seem predictable which is comforting, but in some areas, leads to a malaise. The habits the two of you have established maybe have been a combination of compromise, letting-go and resigning yourself… or so you would say. But, often in relationships, we say we have resigned ourselves but really we have pushed away our true feelings, which float around and surface in other areas…disguised.

There are areas you tip-toe around for fear it will just make him defensive. But, avoiding talking about the "sticky stuff" eats away at your intimacy with each other.

Get talking. Get closer.

For more great tips on love and money — plus a free PDF of my book, check out my website! http://thefinancialwhisperer.com/
Sign up for my blog/newsletter and send me an e-mail with "TANGO" in the subject line, and we'll send you back the book.

More marriage advice from YourTango:

 

Article contributed by

Pegi Burdick

Money Coach

Pegi Burdick

The Financial Whisperer® Untangling Your Money From Your Emotions

Check out my book:  It's NEVER about the Money...even when it is

Location: Los Angeles, CA
Credentials: Other
Specialties: Empowering Women, Financial Stress, Life Management
Other Articles/News by Pegi Burdick:

Money Trouble? 8 Ways To Keep Your Marriage In The Black

By

We have been living in a financially insecure economy for over seven years. Some of the stress from that has seeped into our relationships and that has led to a rise in divorces. 70% of married couples fight about money, which is more than they fight about household chores, kids and who left the toilet seat up. Ironically, for some couples, these fights are ... Read more

Married To Depression: Why I Stayed As Long As I Did

By

Often, we are so preoccupied with ourselves that we do not notice if our partner is suffering from an affliction like depression. And even if we do notice that they are not themselves, we just get angry since the depressed partner is not able to address our needs. I was married to a man who was financially broke and borderline depressed. In the beginning of ... Read more

Don’t Be Your Mother: How To Raise Happy And Healthy Kids

By

When you are a mother, your goal is to raise a child who has solid self-esteem, is kind and considerate, plays well with other children, can accept constructive criticism and is appropriately mature for his or her age. Is this your child? If so, congratulations, you have done an amazing job. Being a good mother, or really just a good enough mother, is a ... Read more

See More

PARTNER POSTS