When you get engaged to remarry after divorce or widowhood, it can feel surreal. After all, you most likely have been through grief and/or some kind of trauma as you dealt with the circumstances of your first marriage ending.
As you experience joy and hope for the future again, you may get extremely caught up in the planning of your second wedding, otherwise known as encore wedding. Based on both my personal and professional experience as the publisher of RemarriageWorks, the go-to resource for remarriage and stepfamily living, I offer my top five tips remarrying brides should consider before they marry again.
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1. Know yourself. I mean really know yourself. Understand what worked and didn't work in your first marriage. The more you address the baggage that you are bringing into your second marriage, the better.
And, the baggage doesn't have to come from just your first marriage. There may be things from your childhood that you never unpacked the first time around. Empty every single suitcase and box you have before you haul them into your second marriage.
2. Communicate with your fiance' about your children and his children to the umpteenth degree. With 65% of remarrying couples bringing children into their marriage, that's a lot of talking. Two of the top reasons why remarriages fail are issues related to finances and children. Remarriage and Money: The Devil is in the Details
Before we got remarried, my husband and I talked about finances. With five kids between us, we discussed our philosophies and approaches to their college educations. We checked it off the list, thinking we had thoroughly covered the subject; but, in hindsight, we agree that we didn't dive deep enough into the details beforehand. Talk, talk, and talk some more. You won't regret it.
3. Think about how to include your children in your wedding celebration. I know someone who didn't even invite his school-age children to his own wedding. The kids were crushed unbeknownst to him. Ask your child to walk you down the aisle or be in your wedding party.
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Or, give them some special attention at the wedding festivities. The point is to find a way to incorporate your kids into this memorable experience. The reality is that if you have children, you are indeed blending a family. There's no getting around it. Stepmom Art is in the Eye of the Beholder
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