Seriously. Why are you still standing there?
I admit it — I am an avid fan of The Housewives of New York City. Maybe I'm just curious to see where my neighbors eat or party. Or, maybe I recognize myself and my pals in these ladies’ issues and quandaries. Whatever it is, I’m a groupie.
As a dating coach and matchmaker, I see this behavior in women way too often, and it makes me absolutely livid.
It is the behavior of a 40-something-year-old woman who believes that her best days are behind her and, so, she better hold on to what she’s got because no one else will look her way. She is morbidly afraid of being alone, and as a result, ANY guy in her bed is better than none.
Interestingly, just like in the case of Dorinda, even though her gut is telling her to leave, her head defends her decision to stay — to herself and others.
As a fan of The Housewives of New York City, I have watched John display behaviors that clearly make Dorinda uncomfortable. Yet when confronted by others, not only does Dorinda defend these behaviors, but is ready to sacrifice her friendships for the very same relationship that causes her more anxiety than contentment.
In such cases, it is more painful for her friends, who can subjectively assess how grave the situation is than ‘the victim’ herself, because she actually manages to convince herself that all will turn out for the best. Though, we all know, it usually doesn’t.
Ladies, there are certain warning signs that men display that should be red flags that make you run like hell. Can you recognize them?
1. He acts like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.
Does he behave differently alone with you than he does in a social setting? If you see him laughing and flirting at a party and then suddenly become sullen and withdrawn when you approach — chances are, he is using you. You are not a doormat — get up and walk away.
2. He doesn't get along with your friends.
Any of them ... not a single one of them. That’s a red flag! Yes, we can’t possibly like all people all the time. But, if he can’t find something in common with at least one of your friends — something is wrong. Are you ready to spend the rest of your life mediating between your boyfriend and your friends, or worse, lose all your friends? If not, run the other way.
3. He does not have close friends of his own.
OK. Can we say very, VERY worrisome? While it’s true that not everyone is a social butterfly who is constantly surrounded by a pack of buddies, by the age of 30, you should have developed at least one lasting friendship. Just ONE!
The few guys from work he meets over a beer to discuss office issues — those are not friends, those are colleagues and acquaintances (don’t let him tell you otherwise). If he could not hold onto a single friendship, think about your future relationship? Will he be able to (or desire to) hold onto you? You may want to consider running.
4. He flies off the handle when he imagines you're looking at another guy.
Jealousy may feel flattering to you in the first ten minutes of your relationship. You may even find it cute on your second date when he gets nasty with a waiter he thinks flirted with you. However, before you know it, he demands to know your hourly coordinates and insist that your gay friends are not really gay (they're just merely pretending so to get into your pants).
Trust me, even after you break up, this guy will follow you and your new beau all over town and make scenes every chance he gets. So run before it’s too late. Seriously, on this one, 100 percent RUN!
5. He's rude to people.
If you see him snapping at a server in a restaurant, yelling at a cashier in a grocery store, or chastising a 'Genius' at the Apple Bar for not pronouncing his name correctly — uh-oh!
Many women make the mistake of dismissing rudeness, as long as it's not directed toward them. But think about spending the rest of your life feeling uncomfortable in front of and apologizing to most of the people you meet ... many of whom are your friends and colleagues. Doesn’t sound good? Then run the other way from this guy!
It's a lot easier to dig your head in the sand and pretend all is well. So as long as you bury your head, you’re golden. But when you emerge (and eventually you’ll have to), then what? Will you be ready to spend your life on a permanent apology tour of your friends and loved ones, or worse, yourself?
In Dorinda’s case, as much as I love the woman, I’m on the side of her friends: lose the jerk; drop the dead weight and RUN, Dorinda, RUN! Maybe you should follow that advice and dump YOUR jerk, as well.
Marina Margulis is a renown Dating Coach based in New York City. Through her proven dating techniques and methods she has helped many amazing singles create the opportunity for a perfect relationship. If you seem to be attracting the wrong people – or no people at all, contact New York Socials today and be on your way to your forever-after.