ProConnect

3 Reasons Why You Should Not Say "I Love You" To Your Ex

By

3 Reasons Why You Should Not Say "I Love You" To Your Ex
It may seem like friendship will ease the pain of breaking up, but it won't.

Working with countless single women as a relationship coach, many tell me they stay connected to various ex-boyfriends. The next step in breaking up in their minds is friendship. Like many online dating experiences, what looks good on paper does not pan out in real life. The real trap is allowing the "friendship" to keep you from being emotionally open and vulnerable to someone new.

From my experience in helping individuals prepare for lasting love, I find it is impossible to attract a lasting, emotionally-healthy and loving relationship when you insist on bringing past relationships along. It is our human nature that feels our loyalties are divided. The intimacy you once shared with your ex, not only physically but emotionally, has a history and it is that connection that makes it difficult for someone else to break into.

More from YourTango: Debt And Dating: When Should You Reveal Financial Troubles?

The tendency will be to tell your ex all the intimate, highly personal tidbits about your life because he knows you better (or at least that's what you tell yourself) and leave the more superficial, safer topics to the new guy. Love takes mutual trust, openness and honesty to develop in that important first stage. Having Mr. Backup does not send the message that you are going to give the new guy a fair shot at love. While you may believe this friendship with no attachments is not harmful, emotionally you are saying, "I love you ex-boyfriend who broke my heart" while to Mr. Possible, you're saying, "You're on probation until further notice."

The following are three reasons why I strongly believe the past is best used as a tool for learning and growing. Learn why you attracted your ex and distinguish your relationship pattern so you don't repeat it.

1. Your ex will sabotage your present and future.

If you are honest with yourself, you know in your heart you still love him—not as a friend, but as someone you would go back to if he only asked. Or the reverse could be true, and you keep him in your life because the feeling of security, his loyalty to you and dependability is reassuring. Some women I coach tell me they feel guilty about accepting dates from other guys, even though they know they are free to do so. They can't understand why they feel as if it is a betrayal to their ex-boyfriend. In my book, What To Look For In A Man, chapter two discusses how to attain true and lasting healing from past relationships. It is a vital factor in learning how to develop a new relationship norm.

More from YourTango: Forget The Fairy Tales: This Is What Real Love Looks & Feels Like

Keep reading...

More Juicy Content From YourTango:

Share this with someone you love (or even like a lot)!

Let's make it
FB official
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Nancy Pina

Relationship Coach

Nancy Pina, Relationship Coach

Contact: 832-566-0800

Recent books: What to Look for in a Man, Attract the Lasting Love of your Life

 

Location: Houston, TX
Credentials: Other
Specialties: Dating/Being Single Support, Forgiveness, Spiritual
Other Articles/News by Nancy Pina:

Debt And Dating: When Should You Reveal Financial Troubles?

By

Ask anyone who has been in over their head in debt and they will tell you, it is very easy to rack up a huge amount in no time at all. Sometimes, it can happen when a business you believed in never took off and only have a big personal financial obligation to show for that former dream. It could be you grew up in a household where money management was never ... Read more

Forget The Fairy Tales: This Is What Real Love Looks & Feels Like

By

The hugely popular Disney movie Frozen portrays a young woman swept off her feet by a handsome prince after only one day. Romance movies and novels do create an impression that love at first sight is the norm in love and relationships are based on high chemistry and strong mutual attraction and feelings. It completely bypasses the process of relationship ... Read more

Don't Forget About Marriage On The Way To Career Success

By

One of the biggest dilemmas women face is whether they should pursue a career or choose the traditional path toward marriage and children. I believe women can have all the dreams and desires of the hearts, but need to learn how to manage a good work and personal life balance. A smart woman is not afraid of stating her life desires and views marriage and ... Read more

See More

Recent Expert Posts
Hug Text

It’s Emotional Infidelity

12 warning signs that you may be cheating and not just friends

Computer Problems

Meeting Online: Safety Tips to Date By

Meeting online requires a little more vigilance than other types of dating.

Brain

Use Goal Setting To Get A Boyfriend

You use goal setting in your professional life, but you can also use it to find true love.

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

Resources
How to find the right pro for you
10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

YourTango Experts can help your business go from good to great.

10 Steps To Improve Your Coaching Business

Take your coaching business from mediocre to great in no time…

Frequently Asked Questions About YourTango Experts

Thinking of joining? Here's all the facts you need to know to make the most of your membership.

Getting Your Guy To Join You In A Therapy Or Coaching Session

So how can your get your strong, self-reliant, superman to talk to an Expert with you?

Therapist/Counselors: Who We Are & What We Do

What exactly does a therapist/counselor do and can they really help?

See more resources>
HOT STUFF!
FROM OUR PARTNERS