Wrong egg? Wrong basket?
Why do women feel they should date only one man at a time?
I was never very good at playing the field. When a man showed a genuine interest in me, I would stop dating other men for one BIG reason: I lacked confidence to juggle several men at once because I doubted my self-worth.
I was never comfortable playing the field by dating two guys at a time — I felt sneaky and unethical. I didn’t know how to deal with two men texting and calling me and how to handle their sexual advances. I was afraid if a guy found out that I was dating someone else, he would drop me.
When I was smitten with a new man (fantasizing that he liked me as much as I liked him) I immediately declined date invitations from other men. That rarely worked out for me; he would sense my relationship agenda and he would stop calling me. If I casually (accidently) slept with a man, I felt morally obligated to cut myself off from other guys. I threw all my eggs into his basket and we dated until he disappeared into the night.
Putting all your focus on dating one man limits your opportunities to meet your ideal life’s partner.
Dating one man at a time is a mistake on several levels, that is: You invest your time, energy and emotions in a man and then weeks or months later you decide he’s the wrong man. You become intimately involved with a so-so man, you put another notch on your bedpost and he dumps you — OUCH! You forfeit opportunities to date a variety of men, one who could have been your perfect match.
As long as you are respectful to the feelings of the men you date (you’re not a “player” or a “sleepover”) and you are truly looking for the qualities in a man that will lead to a meaningful, committed relationship, not only is it OK to date several guys at one, it’s the path to finding true love.
4 VITAL reasons you should date multiple men at once:
1. It allows you to compare and contrast the attributes and compatibility in numerous men.
Some women instinctively know the traits and qualities they truly value in a life partner. Others learn through trial and error and heartbreak. Evaluating men with your intellect, and not your emotions, can fast track you to the right man.
2. It boosts your self-confidence and improves your dating skills.
Having the amorous attention from two (or more) men has a way of making a woman feel desired and empowered, increasing your confidence and self-assurance. Dating is like interviewing for a job; with each interview (date) you hone your communication skills, you become more at ease with the interview (dating) process, and you learn to more accurately assess the potential of a job position (man).
3. It helps you to reserve emotional and intimate involvement with the wrong man.
If you fall in love quickly and then romanticize and obsess about the outcome of a possible relationship, you need a reality check. Keeping a diary while dating two men can help you curb your infatuation and sentimental longings. Record both men’s desirable traits, as well as their objectionable behavior and then heed the facts. A guy may be handsome, successful and intriguing, but he lacks the qualities necessary to maintain a long-term relationship.
4. It sends a man the subliminal message: he'll have to work to win your heart.
Men are not stupid; they can sense when you are dating another man. The fact that you are dating someone else tells him that you are worth pursuing. If he really likes you, his competitive nature will kick in and he will want to have you all to himself. However, if you flaunt that you are dating other men, you play hard to get, or he is casually dating you, he may decide it takes too much effort to pursue you.
Now, send yourself an iNote: A man is NOT your boyfriend until: he tells you you're the woman of his dreams, he wants you to meet his momma, he's closing his online dating account and he wants you to do the same and he asks you, do you prefer yellow gold or white gold jewelry.
Until then — you are free to date the Raiders, the Mavericks and Blake Shelton.
Are you struggling with denial, heartbreak, anger or resentment from a breakup or divorce? Nancy Nichols has walked in your shoes. Her newly released book God, Please Fix Me! will help you through the healing process. Sign up for Nancy’s Dating Blogs to learn tips for building healthier relationships.