What To Do To Keep Your Man From Walking

By

What To Do To Keep Your Man From Walking
Is he drifting? The fastest way to bring him back is to find peace of mind with or without him.

Does the man you love remind you of water—dripping out of your hands the more you try to hold onto him?  I know how frustrating it can be to be madly in love with a guy who doesn’t reciprocate; it doesn’t matter how often you contact him, try to force heart-to-hearts, offer solutions or try to prove to him that you aren’t going to hurt him.  You break your back trying but sweat and tears just don't help you keep your man.  It sucks.

In my own life, I remember one relationship where I found myself ‘selling’ the relationship to him like I was presenting a project to investors at work: “Don’t forget how much we laugh together”; “I promise to cook more for you on the weekends”; "Maybe you need to look at us from this other angle."  It was awful and it felt so demeaning.  Yet I couldn’t stop myself because I was hooked on the ‘if only’:  If only he could see how easy and amazing it could be; if only he just gave in, our life together would be fabulous; if only I could convince him of my love and prove to him that I wasn't going anywhere.

If you want to keep your man, you’re going to have to let go of the ‘if only’ and risk losing him entirely.  If you want to keep your man, you’re going to have to trust that he knows what’s best for him and not try to control his feelings or his actions in the relationship.

To Keep Your Man, Communicate Your Feelings Instead of Analyze His

Imagine the shoe on the other foot and you are in his position.  Imagine you are seeing a guy, and, for some reason that you can’t quite sort out, you aren’t really feeling him anymore. 

Now imagine that he senses your distancing and starts to try and pull you toward him.  He starts appealing to your feelings and compromising his needs in the process.  He makes wild promises of unconditional love and says he will jump through whatever hoops he needs to in order to keep you.  He calls often and brings up the relationship every chance he gets.  He experiences waves of sadness, anger and neediness and all the while he just wants answers.

This behavior would probably make you feel guilty and smothered.

But what if intstead he tells you how your confusing, mixed messages make him feel? What if he communicates to you all the pain you’ve caused him and that he’s not going to put up with it anymore:

I love you and care deeply about this relationship but right now I’m lonely, confused, angry and lost here.  I don’t want to lose you, but I don’t want us this way either.  If you can’t talk with me about what’s going on with you, I understand that, but I can’t be part of this pain anymore.  When you know what you want or are able to talk with me more about your needs in this relationship, let me know and we can see where we both are at that point.”

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Ms. Kristina Marchant

Author

Is the man you love emotionally distant?  Maybe he runs hot then cold, or maybe he has slowly been distancing himself over time?  If so, you are have something in common with the women who read and follow my blog, ConnectWithHisHeart.com  Come take a look and sign up there for my free mini-course: "Why Men Fall In & Out Of Love...  And What You Can Do"

 

 

Location: Miami, FL
Credentials: Other
Other Articles/News by Ms. Kristina Marchant:

How To Spot & Release Emotionally Unavailable Men

By

A relationship when both partners are "all-in" is tough enough. But when your man is emotionally unavailable, things are so much harder. You're committed to making things work, but he just won't open up. A tell-tale sign of an emotionally unavailable man is a lack of empathy; check for these signs before you get too committed. Although my ... Read more

Angling For A Proposal? Here's How To Reel Him In

By

You love him and you know he's the one; he says he loves you but admits he's not sure if you're his forever woman. Ouch. This not only hurts like hell — it's maddening. In your heart, you know that he loves you and would be miserable without you in his life, but your head tells you that you're acting like a fool, waiting around ... Read more

How To Act When He Needs Space

By

Is the man you love acting like a ghost in your relationship?  Maybe he's even vocalized that he needs space? Perhaps he claims nothing's wrong, but he just doesn't return your texts and seems to be a whole lot busier than he was in the early stages of dating? Before you convince yourself that he has one foot out of the relationship, ask ... Read more

See More

GET MORE ARTICLES LIKE THIS IN YOUR INBOX!

Sign up for our daily email and get the stories everyone is talking about.

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

Stories we love
FROM AROUND THE WEB