Patching up a lost relationship is very common, and contrary to opinion, a lot of “second time around’s” work outs smashingly. In fact, one of my favorite love stories is that of my mother’s friend, Bonnie. Bonnie reunited with her high school boyfriend and first husband, Will, when her second marriage fell apart, and ended up remarrying Will and staying happily married to him until the day he died 28 years later.
They had a beautiful second marriage filled with laughter, kindness, communication and respect. They acted like lovebirds and soul mates, and I remember how shocked I was when my mother told me that they had once been divorced.
I often wonder what had made the difference? What had happened in those 19 years apart that made things work the second time around?
I asked Bonnie about her late husband, the last time I went to visit my mother. She was happy to discuss her beautiful marriage and how that relationship had risen from the ashes of a bitter breakup.
I took her candid story and have turned it into wisdom to share with you now about love. Here are two tips to help you learn how to get him back (and in a lot less time than 19 years):
How To Get Him Back Tip #1: Don’t be afraid of life without him. Bonnie was terrified when her first marriage started to fail. As the problems grew worse, naturally, her fear of losing him did, too. This fear caused her to cling fiercely to him; she became needy and agitated by the stress brought on by possible abandonment; "I was not sure of myself without Will to help me know who Bonnie was." This made her try to pull him close one minute and then reject him the next. This push/pull drove him away further and he left her.
When they reunited, Bonnie was no longer afraid of what life would look and feel like without Will—she had already survived losing him once. Knowing this, Bonnie was able to stay calm and communicative in moments when their second marriage was strained. The “need to cling” and the sheer panic of abandonment were a lot less, and this helped draw him back quickly during the rough patches where he’s seem to emotionally drift.
Ironically, it's not until we are prepared to let go of something that we can really enjoy it. - Darren Johnson
It’s important that you find peace in the idea that you too may not get this man back. This surrender will help you stay grounded regardless of how painful this breakup feels. It will make you feel more confident and at peace when you do speak with him, and this will magnetize him: