In the throes of a heartbreak it feels like we will never be able to move on.
Different ages, genders and races. It doesn’t matter if you’re age is 16 or 60, if you are male or female, gay or straight, a broken heart feels the same to everyone. I have been there too. There are quite prominent moments where it truly feels like we could never, and we would never find love nor want to find love again. Why would we? It hurts too much. Why would we ever want to put ourselves through that again, for one, and second, we will never find someone like he/she anyway, so what would be the point?
But almost just as predictably as night turns into day, our feelings do also change and alas the day comes when we see the light at the end of the tunnel, daylight for the first time, and we do get over that breakup, we do get over our feelings of sadness, anger and remorse towards our old love, and many of us do quite actually move on. But, try telling this to someone in the throes of a heartbreak, though, it’s quite difficult to hear.
So, since reasoning doesn’t work, as it didn't with me either, I came up with a few things, some real die hard remedies for those in the throes of a breakup, that I found worked wonders. If you are finding that you are feeling anxious, scared, sad or insecure then these steps are for you:
1. Remember to love your ex as though he or she is your good friend. It’s easy to fall into the rut of anger and wishing ill will onto your ex, but the only person this really hurts is yourself. It’s true going through some feelings of anger does serve a purpose in that it is part of the process of getting over someone. You need to feel all the emotions. But falling into a rut of one thing or another, meaning sadness or anger that persists over a longer period of time does you more harm than good. Stop punishing you ex. Instead, try wishing them the best luck in life. Try to be happy for them. Wish them happiness in success in whatever it is they are doing, and in their lives. Send them love.
2. Remember that everyone has a different path in life. You and your ex came together because there was an attraction, perhaps a common interest, or common goals. But this does not mean, that you and your partner must stay together forever. Think about the lessons you have learned from the relationship. Think about the differences that came up that brought the two of you to the impasse that lead to the breakup. Everything does happen for a reason, or this is a blessing in disguise, however you decide to look at it, the truth of the matter is that this is a big learning lesson for you and if utilized will provide a giant leap in terms of personal growth.
3. Take a closer look at yourself. In the end you need to nourish yourself, before someone else can. You are in charge and are the creator of having an amazing great life, something you had before your partner. Sure your partner was the icing on the cake but only because of your own greatness you already endeavor to be. Instead of allowing yourself to go down a path of self destruction and self hate, why not remind yourself, in fact go ahead, make a list of all the great qualities you possess, that not only make you a great partner, but a great individual as well. Post it on your refrigerator or by your desk, somewhere you are sure to see it everyday, or as often as needed.
Again, I am not suggesting you should repress your feelings of anger, sadness, guilt or any other emotions. A breakup is real, and mourning the loss of the relationship is definitely needed to move on, so do accept and feel your feelings. But, also remember that wallowing in that anger, sadness or self pity can be destructive for you and no one else, so when you can, do muster up the strength repeat these 3 steps above as often as needed.
To connect with Mou, please visit www.LASexTherapist.com.