Sex For Sex's Sake: 5 Ways To Make It Fulfilling


Sex For Sex's Sake: 5 Ways To Make It Fulfilling
Can casual sex be as satisfying as sex between two people who are head-over-heels in love? You bet!

We live in an age where sex is increasingly liberated. Women who were once sexually inhibited initiate sex. The concept of "friends with benefits" is so popular that it even spawned a feature film, and the Twitter hashtag #NSA (i.e. no strings attached) is a common term associated with a healthy sexual mentality and lifestyle. The question remains: Is it possible to achieve the high associated with falling in love — and the same kind of intense, sexual experience associated with loving couples — when there are no strings, or loving feelings, attached?  

Many people I have spoken to say this isn't possible, to have "falling in love sex" if you're not falling in love, and I can see why they would feel that way. But "falling in love sex" isn't about expectations or ideals, and it isn't about romance or love. "Falling in love sex" is about being unabashedly present, focused and in the moment. It's about having sex for sex's own sake.


"Falling in love sex" is so deep and connected with the person that you are with that you want every experience to be this powerful, this passionate, and this consummate. To have "falling in love sex" every time you take off our clothes and get intimate with someone else, it need not mean anything more than being 100 percent committed to the moment and being 100 percent committed to yourself and your experience ... and it can be done.

After long conversations with my Sex Talk web series co-host, Jenoa Harlow, I felt inspired to write about this phenomenon of how to have "falling in love sex" without falling in love, a concept she coined. She and I know it's possible; we know it exists ... but too many people are grappling in that in-between space of wanting significant, substantial, meaningful intimate interludes without all the time, money and commitment it takes to have a relationship. And in this day and age, shouldn't we be able to? Having sex is easy, but too often we're left with a feeling of guilt,apathy or dissatisfaction. So, how can we simply enjoy the experience without the residual emotions? For starters, try these five steps:

1. Chemistry and attraction. Jenoa reminds us that there must be some element of attraction and chemistry n the first place for "falling in love sex" to work. There has to be a genuine, gut attraction. Keep reading ...

More sex advice from YourTango:

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Moushumi Ghose

Sex Therapist

Moushumi Ghose, MFT specializes in sex and relationships and is based in New York City and Los Angeles.

Mou is the host of The Sex Talk, a web-series dedicated to raising awarenes about sex, and sexuality, and has made several TV and media appearances including Hollywood Today The Girl Spot, Durex Condoms and Investigation Discoveries as a sex expert. 

Mou is the band leader, composer and voice of the rock band Ghosha.

Visit her website at

Subscribe to The Sex Talk Series at

Listen to podcasts at Sex, Love and Rock 'N' Roll Radio.

Mou is the author of Marriage, Money and Porn, available on Amazon, and is currently writing her second book, about non-monogamous sex. 


Follow Moushumi on Twitter @MoushumiAmour and Facebook

Location: New York, NY
Credentials: LMFT, MA, MFT
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