7 Traits Every Healthy Relationship Needs If You Want It To Last

Couples in good relationships want to stay that way.

By Mitzi Bockmann
Last updated on Dec 23, 2023

Photo: Elina Fairytale / Pexels

You have been in a healthy relationship for some time now and everything seems to be going great. And, of course, you want it to stay that way. That's a really wonderful thing!

There are certain components healthy relationships have, and not all couples will do the work to maintain them. It is essential to pay attention and safeguard your relationship from the things that can tear you apart.

Here are 7 key traits every healthy relationship needs in order to last forever.

1. Good communication

There is nothing more important for a healthy relationship than communication. It is important that we tell our partners when they aren’t making us feel good. It is important that we tell our partners that they are important to us. It is important that we tell our partners how much we love them.

Many people find it almost impossible to be honest with their partners about how they are feeling. They are scared of making themselves vulnerable and afraid of the outcome.

A wife or girlfriend may feel like all of the hard work that she and her partner put into saving their marriage is slipping away because he's busy at work and she's lonely. She may suggest to herself to go and find interests of her own.

But rather than doing this and giving up, she can communicate her needs, telling her partner she's worried that the results of her hard work are slipping away.

Any partner, no matter their gender, should be honest with their partner about how they are feeling. And once they do, they can make plans together for the near and distant future, where all needs are met.

2. The right amount of sex

Every happy couple has a sex life that suits them. There is no exact formula for how much sex a couple must have to be happy. Instead, each couple needs to decide what is best for them, to talk about it, and play around and meet each other’s sexual needs in a way that makes everyone excited.

For example, a husband wants to have sex every night and his wife, while she really enjoys having sex with him, doesn’t want to. She may just rebuff his advances, which may make him feel bad. Instead, she can talk to him about it.

When one partner explains how they feel about the amount of sex they have, it can bring to light important conversations about who "instigates" contact, and what each partner can do to make the other feel satisfied.

So, talk to your partner about your sex life and make a plan to make it work well for both of you.

3. Inside jokes

Happy couples are like little islands unto themselves. Sure, they have families and friends and jobs and responsibilities, but they also have things that they only share with each other: Inside jokes.

Imagine this. You and your spouse are at a family BBQ. Tensions are flying over something. Then, your father-in-law says something he always says, and that you and your spouse have whispered about in bed at night.

traits every healthy relationship needs to last Photo: Mizuno K / Pexels

You meet eyes as the statement is made and you just connect. You smile and nod and go on with the day with a warm feeling in your tummy. It is an inside joke that you are all in on, and it feels good to belong like that.

Connection is what real love is about. And having a secret is also fun. Having an inside joke, or a combination of the two, is a great way to keep relationships healthy and fresh.

4. Promises that are kept

Promises are usually made with such good intentions, but when they are broken there can be disastrous consequences.

Promises are all about trust. If you make a promise and don’t keep it, trust is lost. It is better to not make a promise that you can’t keep than continue to break ones that you do.

Let's say a person's boyfriend keeps promising his girlfriend that she can meet his kids. However, every time a meeting is set up, there is always an excuse for why it can’t happen. Eventually, she may stop wanting to meet his kids and, ultimately, may no longer want to be with him. In this case, her trust in him is now lost.

After repeatedly making promises and not following through, there is no basis left in the relationship. And without trust what is there? Make your promises carefully. Remember how important they are for maintaining trust and love.

5. Two partners who don't take each other for granted

Don’t take anyone for granted. That's true no matter what stage of your relationship you are in.

When we first fall in love, our attention is completely focused on that one person. But as time goes by, we get distracted by life and we can start to neglect the one we love. We know they are there, and we assume that they will always be there, so we stop tending the relationship. And the consequences can be disastrous.

For example, in couples where one partner may not always be so nice, they may still expect their partner to never leave them. They take their partner for granted and, while they may plan to change their awful behavior, they never quite follow through.

Would you expect that partner to stick around? Probably not. So pay attention to that person in bed next to you. One day they just might be gone, and where would you be then?

6. Quality time together and shared interests

Yes, we are all busy, with lots on our mind and all sorts of pressures. But it is important that you take the time to spend quality time with your partner. Time that is spent together doing things that you both love.

In a marriage or relationship, one partner may go to work while the other one takes care of the kids. Any free time is probably spent focused on family — so much so that there may be nothing left of that couple.

7. The desire to make your partner a priority

There are so many important things in our lives these days. Making money is one of the first that comes to mind. Making sure our children grow into successful adults is another. And then there is exercise. And friends. And hobbies. And your phone.

All of these are important. But one thing that you realize, when you no longer have a partner, is that none of these things really matter because you, well... you don’t have a partner. So make your partner your priority. Every day.

Work is important, but so is getting home for date night. That Saturday morning 15-mile run? Go for it, but if you could instead spend the morning alone with your spouse, consider it. The phone? Put it down. Consider all the good that could come from making your spouse a priority.

Love is what makes the world go round and it is important that we recognize that and take action to preserve it, no matter what. Couples must do what they need in order to keep their relationship healthy and happy forever.

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Mitzi Bockmann is an NYC-based Certified Life Coach and mental health advocate who works exclusively with women to help them be all they want to be. Mitzi's bylines have appeared in The Good Men Project, MSN, PopSugar, Prevention, Huffington Post, and Psych Central, among many others.

This article was originally published at Let Your Dreams Begin. Reprinted with permission from the author.