All too often, I see friends continually devastated by their dating experiences. It is heartbreaking to see them make the same mistakes over and over again. I see women who continually find men who, for whatever reason, never step up to treat them the way they deserve to be treated. I realized that it had very little to do with the men, but more to do with how the women approached dating. They were too emotionally entrenched in the experience and could not see how they were creating some of the dynamics. I myself was a victim of this until I recognized my part in this process and then I began dating and eventually married a man who treats me the way I deserve to be treated. I have identified the following rules to change the approach:
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1) Get off the pity train. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Let go of the self defeating thoughts holding you back. How fun is it to hang out with someone who only puts themselves down? If men aren’t interested in you, it probably isn’t because you aren’t a supermodel, it is probably because they can see how you feel about yourself. Think about how people are drawn to someone with confidence. A person with confidence seems to love life. They don’t complain about themselves. It is a much more pleasant experience! If you don’t feel confident, fake it until you do. You will probably see a difference in how people interact with you.
2) Never cry about a boy. I mean it. NEVER cry about a boy! They aren’t worth it. Sure, there are some jerks out there. Don’t give them your power by allowing yourself to feel bad. My advice? Get mad. Start standing up for yourself. Don’t allow yourself to be treated badly. I believe that we train people how to treat us. If you can work on your assertiveness and confidence, you will find a relationship with someone who respects you. Until then, it will just be the same guy with a different name.
3) Keep an air of mystery. This is a big one. We all have baggage. Some of us have BAGGAGE. Over the course of a relationship, your significant other will learn more about you. Until that point, don’t over share. This is a common mistake women make. Especially when we feel insecure, we tell people way too much about us. Because we share so much about our thoughts and emotions with each other, we tend to do this too much with men in the beginning. I am all for being open and honest in a relationship, but give the relationship a chance to progress before you open up too much. This especially applies to telling a man how you feel about him. If you have been dating for two weeks and think he might be the one, for the love, don’t tell him. Although, if after two weeks you do start fantasizing about marriage and children, we need to talk. Slow yourself down and find a distraction. There is no way you know enough about him that quickly to make a lifelong commitment. If that is where your mind is, you are missing some key data.