Winning Back Your Ex's Heart

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Winning Back Your Ex's Heart
Giving your ex what he needs may be the only way to get him back.

If you are a woman who has been scorned, you may find yourself going one of these three ways: you may prove William Congreve right (showing that Hell indeed has no fury comparable to your thirst for revenge), you may move on and find someone new or you may ask yourself, "How do I get my ex back?"

If you find yourself opting for the third choice, the answer is simple: you can get your ex back by giving him what he wants.

 

Now, this may sound ridiculous — you probably don't know what he wants, after all, you guys are broken up, estranged from the sharing of innermost thoughts, but just like there are certain things most women want, there are also certain things telling us what men want (there's just not a Mel Gibson/Helen Hunt movie based on it). You can help assure you are giving your man (past and future) what he wants by adhering to the following:

Make it Clear You Aren't Waiting Around: If you stay home, refuse to see friends and abstain from meeting new people, your ex will assume you are waiting around for him (which you probably are). This means that he will go off and do whatever he wants, knowing that you will be there if and when he decides to return. If you make it clear you aren't waiting around, however, you force him to act and seriously consider that he could lose you forever.

Don't Act Desperate: For similar reasons written above, acting desperate essentially holds up a sign that says "I'll wait for you, no matter who you sleep with, who you date, how big of a jerk you are or how long it's been." This gives your ex a hall pass that can last for the long haul, so don't act desperate. Don't text him ninety-eight times a day, don't play the jealous ex-girlfriend role and don't drunk dial him (no matter how good of an idea it seems, trust us, it never actually is).

Don't Think You Can Change Him: People are who they are for a reason: men, women, the old and  the young. Some of us are set in our ways, others are the way they are because of things that occurred in their past. Some people aren't willing to change their point of view, others are incapable of changing something that is ingrained in their personality. Whatever the reason for people being who they are, thinking you can change an ex is a sign that you shouldn't be with them. A solid relationship is based on loving another person for who they are, not who you want them to be.

Stop Arguing: Yes, you screwed up, he screwed up, you were both wrong and you were both right. Arguing about it helps no one, and it definitely doesn't help your bid for reconciliation. Instead of rehashing the bad times you had together, help him focus on the good. In some ways, a reconciliation is like a sales pitch: you accomplish a sale by selling the good aspects of something and never mentioning the bad.

Be Flirty, but Draw the Line: If your ex is to even consider reconciling with you, they need to know you are interested; this is where flirting comes in. There is a line that must be drawn with a permanent marker (not with body paint). If you are throwing yourself at your ex each time you see him, you are practically giving him permission to use you (for sex or an ego boost or whatever), so be flirty but go home alone.

Don't Tell People You're Back Together, Unless You Are: If things are going good between the two of you, it may be hard to resist the urge to sing "My boyfriend's back and we're gonna get married." But before you go Hey-la-day-la-ing, make sure your boyfriend is indeed back. If he hears second-hand about a reconciliation, before he has actually reconciled, you are going to piss him off and, ultimately, turn him off.

To learn more about getting an ex-boyfriend back, click here.

More how to fix your relationship advice on YourTango:

Article contributed by

Michael Griswold

Relationship Coach

Michael Griswold

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Location: Norfolk, VA
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Other Articles/News by Michael Griswold:

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