The Death Of The Doormat: Why Being A Yes-Man Gets Lots Of No's

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Dating: Do Nice Guys Really Finish Last
The Yes-Man has two real options: stay a yes-man and stay single, or get confident and get dates.

The Yes-Man. The doormat. The coward. The wimp. Whatever you want to call them, men without a backbone often find themselves struggling to get, well, boned. They find themselves dateless, defeated, and discouraged, ultimately throwing in the towel and concluding that all women have fallen from the same bitchy tree.

Some of these men go on to live unhappy lives, some refuse to give up and have a string of frustrating dates, and some simply become content with their singularity — even if it involves getting tendinitis. Then there are those who vow to change, vow to grab all the dating bullshit by the horns and be a doormat no more. These are the men who often find success in the world of dating, because, as it turns out, confidence is actually a quality to which women are innately drawn.

 

Now, notice that I said "confidence" not "arrogance" — sometimes, walking the fine line between the two can be like jumping from couch to couch and trying not to land in the lava. In other words, it's a bit of a balancing act. But, it's a balancing act that, once perfected, can leave your dance card full.

But, why is this? Why is it that women find confidence attractive and doormats dull? It really just comes down to the following:

Women Like A Challenge
Men don't have a monopoly on the love of a challenge—women are equally drawn to the "hard to get." Part of this just has to do with being human.. our DNA is pretty much programmed so that we want what we can't have. Another part of it has to do with the female's desire to want an equal, someone who can be in a relationship with them, rather than a man who acts as if they are subordinate, forever behaving like the office temp hoping to climb the corporate ladder through brown nosing.

Women Want To Be Taken Care Of
Even women who are independent enjoy being taken care of. But, in order to do this, a man needs to be a man—he needs to step up, make decisions, and have the confidence to voice his opinions, desires, and thoughts. A man who fails to do this can often leave women feeling as if they are alone in the relationship, with everything falling on their not-as-broad shoulders.

Women Tire Of The Nag Label
Throughout history, women have been labeled as "nags"—some even believe Eve nagged Adam into tasting the forbidden fruit. This label can, at times, be quite accurate, but it can also be completely unfair. Women who are with doormats, for example, have no choice but to nag—someone has to plan things and make decisions, lest the couple does nothing but sit around and watch old episodes of Road Rules. So, women are forced to step up: they don't want to have to nag, they just feel they have no choice but to. If they didn't, nothing would ever get done. While some women may relish this kind of control, most don't want a relationship where one person is "in charge." Instead, they want a partnership, but a partnership can only exist when men are confident enough to carry their load and do their part. The man who is unsure of himself ultimately leaves the women doing all the work, especially during times of trouble.

Women Want To Be Swept Off Their Feet
Inside most women is the little girl who once believed in the fairytale. Sometimes, failed romances destroy this notion, leaving women to believe that Cinderella is just a good-for-nothing liar. Yet, even these women still have a part — even if it's a tiny part — holding on to the idea that there's a happily ever after waiting for them. This leaves them with the innate desire to find a man who can only do what confident men do….sweep them off their feet....without the need for a broom.

Really, in the end, it's beyond simple: men who believe in themselves will have women believing in them as well.

To learn more about why women are attracted to confidence, click here.

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Article contributed by

Michael Griswold

Relationship Coach

Michael Griswold

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Other Articles/News by Michael Griswold:

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