The Death Of The Doormat: Why Being A Yes-Man Gets Lots Of No's

By

Dating: Do Nice Guys Really Finish Last
The Yes-Man has two real options: stay a yes-man and stay single, or get confident and get dates.

The Yes-Man. The doormat. The coward. The wimp. Whatever you want to call them, men without a backbone often find themselves struggling to get, well, boned. They find themselves dateless, defeated, and discouraged, ultimately throwing in the towel and concluding that all women have fallen from the same bitchy tree.

Some of these men go on to live unhappy lives, some refuse to give up and have a string of frustrating dates, and some simply become content with their singularity — even if it involves getting tendinitis. Then there are those who vow to change, vow to grab all the dating bullshit by the horns and be a doormat no more. These are the men who often find success in the world of dating, because, as it turns out, confidence is actually a quality to which women are innately drawn.

Now, notice that I said "confidence" not "arrogance" — sometimes, walking the fine line between the two can be like jumping from couch to couch and trying not to land in the lava. In other words, it's a bit of a balancing act. But, it's a balancing act that, once perfected, can leave your dance card full.

But, why is this? Why is it that women find confidence attractive and doormats dull? It really just comes down to the following:

Women Like A Challenge
Men don't have a monopoly on the love of a challenge—women are equally drawn to the "hard to get." Part of this just has to do with being human.. our DNA is pretty much programmed so that we want what we can't have. Another part of it has to do with the female's desire to want an equal, someone who can be in a relationship with them, rather than a man who acts as if they are subordinate, forever behaving like the office temp hoping to climb the corporate ladder through brown nosing.

Women Want To Be Taken Care Of
Even women who are independent enjoy being taken care of. But, in order to do this, a man needs to be a man—he needs to step up, make decisions, and have the confidence to voice his opinions, desires, and thoughts. A man who fails to do this can often leave women feeling as if they are alone in the relationship, with everything falling on their not-as-broad shoulders.

Women Tire Of The Nag Label
Throughout history, women have been labeled as "nags"—some even believe Eve nagged Adam into tasting the forbidden fruit. This label can, at times, be quite accurate, but it can also be completely unfair. Women who are with doormats, for example, have no choice but to nag—someone has to plan things and make decisions, lest the couple does nothing but sit around and watch old episodes of Road Rules. So, women are forced to step up: they don't want to have to nag, they just feel they have no choice but to. If they didn't, nothing would ever get done. While some women may relish this kind of control, most don't want a relationship where one person is "in charge." Instead, they want a partnership, but a partnership can only exist when men are confident enough to carry their load and do their part. The man who is unsure of himself ultimately leaves the women doing all the work, especially during times of trouble.

Women Want To Be Swept Off Their Feet
Inside most women is the little girl who once believed in the fairytale. Sometimes, failed romances destroy this notion, leaving women to believe that Cinderella is just a good-for-nothing liar. Yet, even these women still have a part — even if it's a tiny part — holding on to the idea that there's a happily ever after waiting for them. This leaves them with the innate desire to find a man who can only do what confident men do….sweep them off their feet....without the need for a broom.

Really, in the end, it's beyond simple: men who believe in themselves will have women believing in them as well.

To learn more about why women are attracted to confidence, click here.

More relationship advice on YourTango:

Article contributed by

Michael Griswold

Relationship Coach

Michael Griswold

To Get Help With Your Relationship Now, Click Here...

Location: Norfolk, VA
Credentials: Other
Other Articles/News by Michael Griswold:

What Every Woman Over 30 Ought to Know About Meeting 'The One'...

By

1. You've Graduated From the "Learning Years" - After a decade (or more) of learning from the players, phonies and frauds in your 20's you're more able to spot the man you really want... 2. Know Your Values...And Let them Be Known - Nowadays, in the New Science of Relationships, it's values that are the bond that keep couples ... Read more

Nice Guys Don't Finish Last — They Get Girlfriends

By

There are a lot of rules from so-called pickup artists on how to get a girl. Most of them involve insulting the girl, being a bad boy or just compromising your values. For every guy who's ever wanted a girl, and does not want to act like a jerk, this is the way to do it.  A Woman Doesn't Know What She Wants Until a Man She Trusts Shows ... Read more

Think Your Relationship Is Doomed? 5 Ways To Save It

By

Saving a relationship is often easier than people realize. But, all too often, people believe their relationship is too far gone to revive. They sit on the sidelines and watch it fade into the sky, turning their sunset into the dark of night. However, even those relationships that are mired in heartache, deceit and hurtfulness can still be saved as long as ... Read more

See More

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

FROM AROUND THE WEB