Why Some Women Will Never Marry
Why Some Women Will Never Marry
Why Some Women Will Never Marry
No, this isn’t a diatribe about the ratio of men to women and how some women could inevitably be without an eligible guy because of the numbers game. We all know the statistics and how there is supposedly one man for every seven (or ten) women on the planet. Yet women get married every day of the week. Why not you?
This is about how women take themselves out of the game without even knowing it. You are attractive and funny – so why is SHE getting married and not you? What does she have (or know) that you don’t?
The first reason is that you could be in a fantasy relationship. I used this example in my book, How Divas Date. Divas don’t do fantasy relationships! If the man is not pursuing you, he doesn’t want you!
Here is what a fantasy relationship is – you have a crush on, are dating, or in a relationship with a man that is not going to marry you! Now if you are dating or in a relationship with a man that is not going to marry you and you know it, GET OUT! We’ll talk about that at the later date, but let’s talk about the crushes.
You are waiting around for your gorgeous boss (coworker, neighbor, girlfriend’s brother, insert whoever he is) to ask you out. You think he is attracted to you. You think he is on the verge of asking you out for a real date, not just the flirtatious lunch date you have once a month. You have been waiting for two years for something to happen because you are secretly in love with him. He stares at you when he thinks you are not looking. He gave you an extra bonus last Christmas. You think he might be the Secret Santa that left the teddy bear for you. SO WHAT!!!
Honey, if it has been two years and he hasn’t asked you out on a real date, forget it! Move on! Stop waiting around for a man that has not consistently expressed interested in really DATING you. Don’t waste your time. And please, please, please don’t pass up a date with a real guy because you think you need to be free for this crush guy! Waste of precious time.
Another reason – you are looking for a fantasy man! You want him to look like Shemar Moore (yes that is my favorite celebrity to mention), have a Ph.D., make a zillion dollars, have perfect teeth, like the same reality shows you like, send you roses every weekend, and be as spiritual as TD Jakes! Come on!
And even if he has perfect teeth, sends you roses every weekend, is as spiritual as TD Jakes, but also LOOKS LIKE TD Jakes, you don’t want him. You don’t think he is handsome enough.
Half of you would not have even looked twice at TD if he was asking you out at bible study on Wednesday night, even though you want a man just like him. He doesn’t look like your fantasy guy. But you want your fantasy man to have his religious acumen, yet look like David Beckham.
Fantasy about yourself
You have a long list of characteristics you want your man to have, but you don’t have half of them yourself! Are you as spiritual as Serita Jakes, TD’s wife? So why should he want you? You want Oliver Martinez, but do you look like Halle Berry?
This is another fantasy that is hindering you from meeting a man. You think you are more desirable than you really are. You were a 10 at 20 years old. But now? Even if you were to meet an Oliver Martinez (or whoever your fantasy man is) would he really be looking at you? Would you make his cut? Maybe. Take a good, hard look at yourself. Is there room for improvement? What would you need to change about yourself to actually GET the pretty boy? And are you prepared to fight off all the other Halles that would be chasing him? Some of you like your pretty boys, but have forgotten that pretty boys come with pretty boy (playa) drama.
You’re the Fantasy
OK. So you really are a 10, every guy’s fantasy. You do have the list of qualities that you are looking for in a match (you’re all that and a bag of chips – a Halle Berry with Serita Jakes’ spirituality, Martha Stewart in the home and Cathy Hughes in the boardroom) and you deserve the cream of the crop. No man can touch you because you are better, smarter, more spiritual and two steps ahead of every man. You’re unobtainable. You’ve tried internet dating, speed dating, matchmaking services, but no one meets your standard. EVER. And you are still alone.
You’ve got it going on and won’t settle. Nor should you settle. That is not what I am saying.
But where is he? How long will you wait? You’re pushing 40 years old and still looking for him. Heck, some of you are pushing 50 and you still haven’t met a decent brother? No, it’s YOU! You’ve turned down the perfectly nice guys for a FANTASY that is not coming.
Whether you have one or more of the above issues going on, there is hope! You can change at any time. If you now realize you’ve been in a fantasy relationship, you can get out. If you realize you have some work to do on yourself, do it! You were looking for a fantasy, but now you realize he may not be perfect (neither are you!).
Your guy may not be the Denzel lookalike. He might not have a body like Tyrese. I’m not saying that he will be ugly, just that he may not look like your ‘fantasy’ man.
As a matchmaker, I can’t tell you how many great guys, who would make fantastic husbands and fathers, come to me saying they can’t find a good woman. So he drives a Maxima! I happen to know he can afford an Audi if he wanted one, but you don’t know that – you judge him by the Maxima because you drive a Mercedes. So what if he doesn’t have the best fashion sense? You can help him with that! So what if he likes Ruby Tuesdays and you like Morton’s? He is probably very willing to take you to Morton’s if you mention that it is your favorite place. Just because he took you to Ruby Tuesdays doesn’t mean he is not worth a second date. Come on, ladies. Give a guy a real chance. Try THREE dates with him. That’s all I’m asking. Will it kill you? You might just begin to realize that you like him. You might learn that you two have more in common than you thought. You might see that he is a really great guy. And if you squint just a tad, he might really start to kind of look like your fantasy guy. But even better, because he is a real, living, obtainable man that likes you and that is looking to get married. Hopefully to you!