Five Reasons Why He Won’t Commit

Five Reasons Why He Won’t Commit

Even though he acts like he’s your man, here are some reasons why he won't make you his woman.

We’ve all wondered why a certain guy will not make a commitment to the woman he is dating and has been with for years on a regular basis.  He may have even introduced her to his family or taken her home for Thanksgiving dinners.  His family might know and like her.  Everyone may be wondering why they aren’t officially a couple.  SHE may even be wondering why!  Yet he continues to say “We’re just friends” or “she’s not my girlfriend” when asked for clarification on their relationship. 

Well, in this case, ladies, you should believe his words over his actions.  Usually his actions will speak louder than his words, but if he is saying you are not his girlfriend, then believe him! 

Whether he is taking you out every weekend, planning trips together, buying you expensive gifts AND spending the weekends at your place (or you at his), if he has yet to say he is committed to you, believe he is NOT.  He may feel like your man, but he isn’t.  You may have the wedding dress picked out already, but you will never wear it!

So if he is doing all these wonderful things with you and treats you like his woman, why won’t he commit to you?

Men usually give a reason like timing, not ready, or just got out of a bad relationship. They say they aren’t ready to commit.  I’m not discounting that it could be a timing issue but most of the time that is bogus.  There is nothing stopping him from becoming your boyfriend or your fiancé except that he refuses to be it.

What is really going on in his head?

Here are five reasons he may not be giving you the exclusivity you want (despite acting like he is already your man):

1 – He doesn’t really want a girlfriend.  Sometimes men don’t want to come out and say that they just want to play the field and see as many women as they want because it will make them look like a dog or player.   He likes spending time with you, but he doesn’t want just one woman; he wants you, he wants Sally, and Jessica, and Jenny, too.  He wants his options open, even if there is no Sally, Jessica and Jenny yet.  If he has SAID that he wants to keep his options open and date other people, he means it.  You should do the same!  You are not in a relationship with him.  See other guys.

2 – He doesn’t’ want YOU as a girlfriend.  He wants to get married, but not to you.  He may like you, like having sex with you, like spending time with you, but he doesn’t see you as long term potential.  He wants a committed relationship with someone, just not you. He will probably continue to see you until he meets that other woman that he wants to commit to.  He already knows that you are NOT the one.

3 – He is deciding on WHOM to make his girlfriend.  He may have you and someone else as contenders but he hasn’t decided which one of you makes the grade.  In this case he really does like you and sees you as marriage material, but he also feels strongly about the other woman/women.  He will eventually commit to one of you once he decides which is a better fit.

4 – You have issues to work on before he will commit.  In this scenario, again, he really does like you, but there is something about you that he is hoping will change or he wants to see some growth in that area (or in you) before he will be comfortable making you the wife.  He can’t come out and say this, so he keeps quiet about the issue.  He may have mentioned this area/issue of yours in passing but it started an argument, so he hasn’t brought it up again.  Nonetheless, he won’t commit until this issue is resolved.

5- He knows he doesn’t have to commit to you to keep you.  This is the one that I see most, as a coach.  A woman claims she wants exclusivity, but she is practically living with a man who has not been exclusive with her.  She threatens to leave him if he won’t commit, but she never does.  He knows he doesn’t have to commit – that you are in love with him and he can do anything he wants and you won’t leave.  He isn’t afraid of losing you, so why should he commit when he is getting everything he wants already?  You are stuck and he knows it.

With any of these reasons, you can still take control of the situation.  It is very easy, really.  If you are not yet in love with him, let the relationship stay on the casual level until he has already committed to you.  That means do not sleep with him or give him your heart before he has already told you he wants to be exclusive with you.  (Read How Divas Date for more information on that).

If you are already in love with him and are waiting for him to give you a commitment, you must be strong and let him know that you will not continue to be with him without one.  Tell him that you love him but you want a committed relationship and it doesn’t look like he is able to give you that.  But as with reason number five, you must be willing to walk if he won’t.  Unless he experiences losing you, he may not ever see committing to you.  And if his reasons are number one or two, you will never really have him anyway, so you should cut your losses now before you get in any deeper.  The longer you stay, the harder it will be to leave.

Don’t be the woman who was strung along for years and then was devastated when he married some woman he only knew for six months!

Have a serious talk with him.  Ask him why he isn’t willing to make the relationship official.  Believe his answer and act accordingly.   If he insists it’s a timing issue, ask what he believes the time frame will be.  Then decide if you can wait or not.  If he doesn’t want to talk about it at all, that is a bad sign and could mean you fit into reason one, two or five.

I’m always available if you need to talk to someone about your situation.  Good luck!



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