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Help! My Husband Won't Go To Couples Therapy

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Help! My Husband Won't Go To Couples Therapy [EXPERT]
What you can learn alone and share with your partner may save your marriage.
If you don't want a divorce, and your partner doesn't want couples counseling, going alone may help.

I hate divorce. It's a fact I have to live with though, because I am a relationship psychotherapist and some marriages have to end. I think divorce is a lot like marriage in that you don't really know what you're getting into until you're midway in and then it's too late to turn back. So, you just keep going, feeling, and living.

I have a dear friend going through a divorce she didn't want. It's painful to watch, to listen to, and for my friend, I am sure it is the most painful to experience. I'm going to be seeing my friend soon, and this was the short note I received about the status of the divorce. How To Deal With Living With Your In-Laws

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Dear Mary Jo,

Our divorce might be final by then. We communicate through our lawyers right now. I'm just completely speechless by the way my spouse (ex) manages to turn around and live life as if I had never been part of it! It's this rejection which hurts most ...

Love

ML

I keep thinking there is a better way, but for the life of me, how does one turn things around to make the pain stop? An annulment is not the answer any more than pretending something which existed didn't. Mediation comes closest to helping a divorce end with some sort of workable relationship still intact, and I think it is the best idea for children involved to be able to love both their parents without being quizzed or made to feel guilty.

It's the prevention of divorce I would like to offer ... but we have very few tools to work with. The one tool we have that actually has the biggest impact toward helping marriages survive is premarital counseling, but most couples prefer the huge wedding and expensive celebration in lieu of money better spent on making sure they will be compatible for more than three years. How Laughter Can Save Your Marriage

It's frustrating for those of us in the field and for those involved with a divorce they didn't want. More and more research is coming out in the marital area. Something most of us in the field would never have promoted is making an impact on marriage survival. In the past, if one of the partners were against marital therapy, the other who wanted to go would suffer in silence.

Now, we have good evidence that if one of the partners goes to therapy and shares the homework and talks about the therapy with their partner, the marriage actually begins improving. Below are the new rules for marriage therapy on your own. It may not be as ideal as the couple going ... but as long as the couple wants to save the marriage, and both are willing to work at the marriage by completing homework assignments, it can be a positive step in the right direction. 5 Ways To Keep Married Sex Exciting

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Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Mary Jo Rapini

Counselor/Therapist

For more information go to: www.maryjorapini.com
Talk to me on my fan page: http://www.facebook.com/maryjorapini
Tweet me: @MaryJoRapini
Read my Love and Relationships Blog on Chron.com
Ask me questions on Fox26 in Houston, TX and watch every Thursday Morning at 9am for “Mind, Body, Soul with Mary Jo” and Friday Morning's at 8am for “Healthy Happy Hour with Mary Jo”

Location: Houston, TX
Credentials: LPC
Other Articles/News by Mary Jo Rapini:

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3 Ways To Make Divorce Easier On Kids

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Getting a divorce is traumatic, and nowhere do we see the effects of a divorce more than the children. The family is the life center for children, and when the family is threatened by divorce, the children feel tugged and pulled between mom and dad. Many parents worry about the effects of divorce on their children and this is one reason divorces take years ... Read more

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Divorce is complicated, and when you talk to someone going through one you learn that there are many issues that lead to a divorce. One of the simplest, most effective behaviors to cause a divorce is contempt. Couples who don't respect each other have been given a chance to improve with a digital gaming platform called, "Happify," which allows you ... Read more

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