I receive referrals from physicians specializing in OB/GYN, Urology, Oncology and Internal Medicine. Many of the couples I see are struggling with libido and sexual issues. One of the main problems that I notice among couples originates from the lack of knowledge regarding women and their bodies. Women are not taught to celebrate and touch their bodies, and they may have feelings of shame and embarrassment toward their body. Therefore they wait for a man to “know” their body and sexually please them. The concept of waiting for someone to please you when you don't know what makes your body feel pleasure is analogous to ordering an ice cream sundae and expecting to have the toppings you love most when you haven't told the server what your favorite toppings are. You may hate coconut, but you get it because it was on the menu.
No area is less understood than our breasts. We know men look at them, admire and fantasize about them, but we are confused about how sensual our breasts are. Most moms can tell you how breast feeding made them feel, how connected it made them to their baby, and the joy they experienced from being able to feed their infant. However, what we may not understand is how breasts alone can make or help us orgasm. We may think bigger is better, in regards to getting attention, but small breasts are actually more sensitive to touch. Sometimes increasing breast size surgically can damage the feeling within the breast and leave you with big, numb breasts, limiting the sexual experience. Men are, for the most part, clueless in regards to where breasts are most sensitive unless women guide them. Men will automatically go to the nipple area, but actually many women report more sensitivity on the top, side and underside of the breast. Men would do well asking their partner before touching, licking, and kissing the breast in order to heighten their partner’s pleasure. The sensitivity of the breasts is also influenced by the menstrual cycle.
During love making, according to Dr. Madeleine Castellanos, who is an assistant professor in the Psychiatry Department at Albert Einstein College of Medicine, the breasts can increase in size as much as 25 to 30 percent when a woman becomes sexually aroused. Dr. Castellanos explained, “Oxytocin release is the reason breast stimulation feels so good.” This feel-good substance, also known as the “cuddle hormone,” is released when the breasts and nipples are stimulated. Oxytocin is also the reason the nipple becomes erect during excitement and stimulation, caused by contraction of smooth muscle underneath the skin of the areola, which pulls on the overlying skin creating a goose bump-like effect. When our partner is touching and loving our breasts in a manner that makes us release oxytocin, we want our partner more and we feel loved by our partner.
The Komen Society did a lot to teach women everywhere the importance of breast exams and knowing their breasts. Women not only need to know their breasts for health reasons in detecting abnormalities, but we need to know our breasts so we can understand and offer guidance to our partner as to what feels good. This enhances our intimacy and sex and helps us connect and enjoy our relationships. Below I offer 3 tips in getting to know your breasts. These can be done alone or with your partner.
1. For most women, starting out in the tub is the best place. A shower will work as well, but something about the bathtub relaxes us more. We are taking time out for us, so make sure you are with your loved one or totally uninterrupted from noise, kids, and other duties.
2. Sit back, listen to soothing music, enjoy the smell of a nice bubble bath and massage your breasts. Touch them and note where they are most sensitive. Many times, you will experience goose bumps where you feel extreme sensitivity.
3. During love making, keep your clothes on from the waist down. Have some luxurious body cream by the bed and make the next 20 minutes about massaging yours and your partner's chest area only. Love making is so much more than intercourse. Breast touching (experiment with a feather, as it offers such a nice feeling), loving (kissing feels wonderful on sensitive skin that is not usually exposed), and licking can be as intense as anything else you have ever done intimately. If you don't have a partner, simply massage your breasts while lying in a reclined position. This can be a wonderful way to love and take care of you.
Many couples that have been together for more than three years report sex as getting redundant, boring, and passionless. These same couples rarely know the treasures within each other. Each of us has over 117 erogenous zones. If you only know four or five then exploring the breasts will expose you to more, and your love making will be less than boring. Ladies, please keep in mind your man's breasts are also sensitive and should be equally explored. –Mary Jo Rapini
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