Having been divorced myself and gone through countless number of relationships that have not worked, I definitely know what mistakes to avoid to make the relationship work.
Below are just some of the mistakes I've made, that my clients have made and that you should avoid.
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1. You ignore issues as a couple. This is probably the worst thing you can do. Sticking your head in the sand around the issues you may have in your relationship is not the way to go. The unexpressed feelings will slowly but surely start eating away at you, and over a period of time, what looked like small annoyances will transform into massive resentments. (And then before you know it, you're hating your partner because you cannot put up with anything anymore.) I know this very well, as I have been there myself. Before my divorce, this is the exact state of denial that led to the demise of our relationship. I did not know how to express how I was feeling and my ex-husband simply didn't want to hear it. The problem got bigger and bigger, and before we knew it, we stopped trusting one another and the relationship broke down completely.
Instead, deal with the issues as they come up. Just like when you clean your home, if you keep dusting away the cobwebs, you will create a consistently clean environment.
2. You don't work on the relationship. Somehow, we seem to think intimate relationships will run on their own fuel without putting much effort into them. This is simply not true! A relationship needs work — just as a car needs fine-tuning.
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At the very least, understand how relationships work; and at the very most, work on yourself and what you bring to the relationship. Healthy and fulfilling relationships happen from the inside out. I made this mistake and paid dearly for it. I kept wanting to change my ex-husband, thinking he was the problem, when in fact, it was me all along! Work on you first; learn about how relationships work and the rest will follow. Keep reading ...
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