Are you still hung up on your ex?
I have come to the conclusion that life after divorce does not happen for those who decide that they do not want it. For some, the buck stops with their breakup, and moving on with life becomes difficult as they keep focusing on who did what to whom and why their exes still give them grief. If you're reeling from your recent divorce, here are three ways that you're limiting yourself from finding love again after a broken marriage.
1. You keep focusing on what happened.
Focusing on your past will definitely keep you there. What you focus on expands and this is true of your divorce or breakup like any other thing you decide to focus on. What is done is done. What has happened, happened. You cannot wish your way back there, and no amount of wishing it were different, will help you change how things ended up. Instead, focus on what you have now and how you can use your experience of then to help you move forward to create something different.
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2. You buy into angry and bitter thoughts.
We live in a world where our thoughts determine how we feel, so no one can make us feel anything. We can do that very well on our own, if we buy into the thoughts that are creating the feelings we feel. We cannot feel anything outside of ourselves other than our thinking! I often see clients who have bought into a story that isn't true. It's what we think about what has happened, that will keep us stuck in the anger and bitterness. Instead, become aware that your reality is made up by your thoughts that you chose to buy into. Once you have the awareness that the event or person itself is not the reason for your suffering, but your thoughts, the awareness will allow you to create the space for a new life to unfold for you.
3. You make your ex more important than yourself.
I often speak to women who want to make the change but who end up letting the fear of their own thoughts consume them, and instead decide to carry on in their own habits of thought, which is creating their own pain. In essence doing this is, will ensure that they are putting their exes first before their own happiness — this is crazy! Instead if you find your fear, taking you out from the help you know you need, please listen to your heart not your fear. Your fear is just your thoughts not the reality to your situation. Your ex will live rent free in your head and will guarantee you a one way ticket to a loveless life! Having just got married and spent a wonderful few days on my honeymoon, I know that life after divorce does exist (only because I wanted it to).
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More divorce advice from YourTango:
- How To Move On From A Painful Breakup
- Divorce: Expert Advice & Survival Tips
- Dating After Divorce: What You Need To Know