Before you can trust someone after an affair, you first need to take a look at yourself.
Learning to trust someone again after an affair can be really difficult ... but it's not impossible. When my ex left me for another woman, it threw me into the depths of despair. The situation had me questioning myself over and over, and it stripped away my self-esteem, leaving me feeling crushed and angry.
Maybe you've felt this way. Most of the clients that I've worked with have described their experiences as identical to the way I felt. But now, I'm able to see it through different eyes and I'm here to tell you that you can learn to trust again after going through something as heart-breaking as infidelity. Here are just five ways out the many that helped me start to rebuild and regain that sense of self:
1. Realize that your future is different from your past.
Your past does not equal your future. I learned this concept in a seminar once and I never really understood it until a few years ago. Just because you've been hurt in the past doesn't mean you'll get hurt again.
However, if you find yourself getting into relationships with men who cheat over and over, that's something worth looking into. When there's a pattern of behavior or a situation that keeps repeating itself, it's important to clear the past so that you can start with a clean slate. Bringing someone new into your life will be a lot easier and you will find that distrust is no longer an issue.
Imagine carrying a ton of rocks with you in a bag and as you go along, you collect more and more rocks. How do you think you will feel if you keep carrying the rocks? Tired, right? What if someone came along, emptied your bag of the rocks and you were able to keep walking? You would feel much lighter, right? Well, the same is true for creating a clean slate! Sometimes we need support to create something new, so you can always use this opportunity to work with someone who can help you.
2. Know your beliefs about others.
Our beliefs can either carry us forward or hold us back. Whatever you believe, you will attract. The key thing here is to identify what beliefs you're holding about the affair and how it has affected the way you see others.
There is a very true principle: what you focus on expands and that you only experience what you believe, and that's what you end up attracting. One of the reasons you may feel that you cannot trust others is because you think it. If you think it and believe it, you will attract it.
One way you can become aware of your beliefs is by filling in the blanks in statements like, "I don't trust people because ... " Once you're aware of your beliefs, you're in a position to change them. Keep reading...
More infidelity advice from YourTango:
- How to Move On From A Painful Breakup
- Divorce: Expert Advice & Survival Tips
- Understanding Infidelity: Why We Cheat