"Do you want kids?" I asked. "Sure i do" he said. And with that I was hooked. Yes I knew that he was divorced and had two children, but just knowing that he did want kids was to overcome the first hurdle of dating him.
However the first 6 months there were a lot more hurdles to overcome which lead to the relationship breaking down. Having dated a divorced guy, I can speak from experience of what not to do and the mistakes to avoid if you do decide to go down this path with a divorced guy, and especially if they have kids.
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Mistakes I made and how to avoid them:
DATING MISTAKE 1: I ignored the signs of him wanting kids.
TIP 1: Make sure you are both aligned to what you want. Even though he said he wanted kids, I could tell half way through our dating that things had changed, and I ignored the signs. He already had two children already and even though in the first instance he said he wanted to have another with me - I knew that he had started to change his mind 3 months in as I could sense it and I ignored the signs as I didnt want to face the consequences of that outcome.
Instead confront your situation head on (if you want kids with a divorced guy) especially if he has children already. By putting more pressure on him, I pushed him away - so to avoid adding pressure make sure that you know that you are both on the same path.
DATING MISTAKE 2: I got involved when he was still raging a war against his ex.
TIP 2: Make sure that the divorced guy you are dating has got over his ex and/or knows how to handle his emotions towards her. The challenge I had was that it felt like I was in a relationship with both of them, he would talk about her all the time as she used to press his buttons most of the time.
This would cause a lot of tension in him and would then be transferred into the relationship we were in which caused a lot of stress on both of us. To avoid this its key that he is seeing a third party or that he has moved on so you can focus on having a good time.
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DATING MISTAKE 3: We moved into together too quickly.
TIP 3: Make sure you take things slowly. Figure out whether the divorced guy is the right person for you. Keep your options open. By moving in together within the first month, we both took a lot on. I took on the new responsibility of not only getting used to living with him, but also being introduced to his children. In addition he doubled his commuting time, which added more stress to the plate.
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I believe that if we had taken our time, that things wouldnt have fallen apart so quickly as they did. We both needed time to adjust to our new roles, which we didnt do. Remember dating is a time for fun not for seriousness!
DATING MISTAKE 4: Chose to be with someone that financially was in a very different situation to me.