You cheated. You got caught. Now what?
"How could you have done this to me?" I stood there speechless, not knowing what to say, dumfounded that my ex-husband had finally found out that I was having an affair. In that moment, I was so sorry for what I had done and how our relationship was going to end.
And I made matters worse by not taking responsibility for my own actions. So if you're a woman who has been caught having an affair by your partner or you're even contemplating going down that road, please avoid the following five mistakes.
I want to express upfront that I'm not writing this article to say that having an affair is the right thing to do (as it is not). All I want is to make it clear as to what you can do to make things a little better for your spouse. (To find out what you can do if he wants a divorce, download your free chapters of "Goodbye Mr. Ex.")
1. Deny it. I denied it over and over. I had not planned for him to find out. For most of the time while having the affair, I had been living in complete denial about the entire scenario. I was living a fantasy and not thinking straight at all. So when he did, I really did not know what to do. Denying it seemed like the only option. It wasn't a conscious decision; it was more of a reactive behavior. This just made him more angry and frustrated as he just wanted to be told the truth. Instead, tell the truth. If he's found out, then there's no point in denying it. Come clean to lessen the blow.
2. Leave highly explicit evidence. Don't leave highly explicit evidence lying around. I did and it did not bode well at all. Not only did he have to deal with finding out, but he now had all the details. Reading my confused emails to friends made matters worse because he read into them what he wanted to, which made him feel worse about my infidelity. Instead, it's important to destroy any of the evidence that you may have so as not to hurt the other person even more. Now, you are probably wondering, well if I don't have any evidence how would he find out? A friend? A colleague? Maybe, the point is that the less he has graphical detail, the better. It will save him a lot of heartache. Keep reading ...
More infidelity advice from YourTango:
- How To Recover From Infidelity
- Bad News: You Cheated. GREAT News: You Can Still Save Your Marriage
- So, He Cheated. Can You Really Trust Him Again?