How To Recover From Infidelity
Rebuilding after an affair.
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"My husband had an affair. It's over, and we want to move on, but how can I ever trust him again?" Susan, Colorado
Want more? Read our article "How To Heal A Relationship After An Affair".
Discussion
once a cheater is not always a cheater, that's a biased stereotype only feminists believe.
People can change, it's true! It really hurts to be cheated on which obviously brings up the question of whether or not that person can be trusted again AND if YOU could handle another indiscretion. There's not always one correct answer so you just have to come to your own conclusion based on your individual situation.
this advice was interesting to me, it seems like if he is willing to give up everything you worked for just so he could get his rocks off once, whats there to stop him a second time. and if he cheated on you this time and admitted it. all and all I say if he truly loved you he would have never cheated on you, and it seems like you want this relationship to work, more than anything, but in reality once a cheater always a cheater and there will always be that doubt.
There are a lot of comments saying you should never forgive the person. Three things to consider:
1) Sometimes a couple is together a long time without any cheating. So there is a reason to trust the cheater in the future.
2) Most people have at least wanted to cheat. Many have probably come close or done things that were a little risky like flirting with someone without telling them you're unavailable. So you shouldn't completely condemn people who go over the line.
3) There are different kinds of cheating. I couldn't get over a husband with a prostitute habit like Spitzer (too gross - wouldn't want him to touch me anywhere) or a repeat offender who also harassed women like Clinton, for example. Not that any cheating is good, but some is easier to understand and forgive - say a good who is away from you for six months and just once lets loose, for example.
Share responsibility? While the cheated on partner might have their faults (no one is perfect), this in no way justifies an affair. Shame on you for this "advice!" I'm sure women (& men too) blame themselves enough when this happens. The cheater has ample opportunity -- discussion with the spouse, counseling, divorce if necessary -- to express their unhappiness. There is absolutely no reason in this day & age to cheat on someone that you have made a vow to be faithful to. Otherwise, the advice, while very simplistic, is good.
I don't like the idea that the cheated on person always has to take some responsibility, but there are times when they do things that contribute. It may be important for them to admit that one reason their partner cheated was that the two fo them weren't intimate enough so that they can move on and improve their relationship.
Cheating shouldn't be non-cheating partner's fault--if anything, maybe have the key role in forgiving and making the last final decision of the relationship. The cheater choses to cheat--but I think everyone deserves a second chance.. if he/she does cheat again, there is nothing left to save in the relationship (they had their chance).
this is soo not ok!...in a realtaionship, no matter how long, or how it is going ...cheating cant be forgiven, u cant u just cant..its not something u can forgive beacuse u love someone. if they cheat and u feel like u would never do it to that person..then that person is not for u
Trust is the HARDEST thing to rebuild, period. You break it, it's broken for good I don't care how much sorry you say, you will still have that untrustworthy feeling in the back of your head.
People need to have a little more self control. And if you're going to cheat, how about you break up with the other person first! Once trust is sever, you need to move on.
That's the worste advice ever! How is his cheating on you your fault? Why should you have to take responsibility? F that, dump his ass.
lol yeah my ex cheated on me and he claims it was my fault because things were so bad
All i can say is being in a relationship is hard. first of all its hard to find a good one, and secondly its hard to keep it going. Finally if your "partner" cheats on you just end it, do not try to mend it back together, do not have cheaters follow him/her that's retarded, but if you do once they've shown you hes cheating do go all confronting him/er like and idiot it doesnt make you any better. Also if your "partner" says he/she wants to break up listen to his/her reasons then chose wisely.
If he cheated on you once, it means he obviously doesn't give a s**t about you.
My father would rather chop off his arm than cheat on my mother...THAT is true love.
If your husband cheated on his, he doesn't give a s**t about your feeling or you, and you should dumb his sorry ass.
once a dog always a dog. if he/she cheated on you once, it will happen again in due time. if you want to spend the rest of your life with a whore because you're a pushover, or her/his good looks, or bank account size then that's your business, but you only get one life to live, move on and find someone who can keep it in their pants and really loves you or you may find yourself living a life of resentment and distrust.
i think the advice is good depending on how willing each person wants to fix the problem. in my case, i was not willing to work on it because the relationship was new. if the couple is married, they should talk about it openly to a 3rd such as a psy or a friend of both partners. if that is'nt enough after a period of time and both people are hurt, then it is time to move on. it is all about how they deal and what they do to fix it.
bullssssshit!!!! its not like the paper heart is going to be as perfect as it was before, its gonna be all messed up just like the relationship
one affair you should just leave and forget about him or her because once you stay its only gonna cause more arguments plus why stay with someone who disrespected you that much? wow thats sooo not love.
Depending on the circumstances, that's not necessarily a good enough reason to give up everything you've built together as a family. Someone who's invested so much isn't going to let a little indiscretion tear them apart.
I agree with 7lwa83 little indiscretion?? no way the situation is nothing but an excuse, If there is pure love and respect the person can be plastered or have a gun to his/her head and not cheat. If the person cheats it is a fact that it will happen again. Obviously, you two invested so much but your partner definitely while cheating threw it all away. I feel sorry for those who stick to them they will cheat again and this time they will damn well hide it from u.
I just read an article that says that cheating might be a genetic trait. I wonder how many people have it.
ITS NOT a little indiscretion its a big thing and it means there is a problem inside of him that needs to be fixed or else he would have a list of girls
