3 Steps To Clarity In The Midst Of Breakup Or Divorce


3 Steps To Clarity In The Midst Of Breakup Or Divorce
Mental/Emotional strategies to creating peace in the midst of your storm.

When a serious break-up/severing of relationship or divorce is already underway, we can feel overwhelmed by the tsunami of emotions that flood our system. The hurt, anger, blame and even shame can break us to pieces. We feel sorry for ourselves, embarrassed for ourselves and angry with what seems like a very unfair and unreasonable world. 

Throw the logistical challenges of divorce or the severing of a long-term relationship with merged assets and possibly children in the mix and we have the brewings of a life crisis. But when the life crisis becomes so preposterous, so beyond our senses of reason, it actually shifts into a spiritual crisis or Dark Night of the Soul.


Our culture is one to categorize and strategize everything and therefore, when we suddenly hit a set of circumstances that can't be mapped out, we have a tendency to develop coping strategies that are particularly unhealthy such as self-medicating with drugs (prescribed and illegal), alcohol, tobacco or food or even just diving into sleep...as much sleep as we can get. And all of this has the façade of what we know of as depression.

But what if we could have just an inkling of understanding of the situation? What if we could at least have a rough roadmap of what to expect when there is so much that is unexpected. Usually, a map provides a sense of feeling in control and feelings of calm and overall clarity can settle in. 

On Thursday Feb. 25th from 4-5pm PST, my radio show on VoiceAmerica's Empowerment Station, The Mother Rising, I will be covering a basic roadmap of the unexpected. I invite you to call into the show at 1-888-346-9141; email me your questions at: mom@themotherrising.com; or tweet me during the show at: @TheMotherRising. It's going to be GREAT! I look forward to you joining me.

Right here, I will give you 3 Steps to an ounce of clarity.

  1. Know that you can't reason with your crisis. It is not supposed to make sense.
  2. Attempt to find space for humility. Our tendency can be to lash out and blame. Learning to create humility is tough to teach and tough to do, but it is HUGE in allowing the flow of overwhelming circumstances to begin to resolve and nourish a shift in the life you wish to create.
  3. Understand that your path will take great endurance, but that you will be able to find it slowly and steadily uncovering from the depths inside of you as you accept that you can't reason with it and become humbled by the enormity of it.

In order to create the life we know exists for us that embraces joy, love and freedom, we have to teach ourselves behavior patterns that nourish a breeding ground for states of joy and gratitude, and self-love/compassion. These things can be challenging when we must be present and in the "fight" so to speak that is transpiring during divorce or separation.

Of course learning techniques can be helpful, but additionally receiving the support and expert guidance during your journey can be key.  Clear Choice Divorce, a 12-week expertly guided support community can be just the rock you need in your space of temporary insanity.

More breakup advice on YourTango:

Article contributed by

Margaret Jacobson

Divorce Coach

Margaret Jacobson, radio show host of The Mother Rising on Voice America's Empowerment station, understands the challenges of isolation and deep struggle in all stages of divorce (before, during and after). As a Divorce Wellness coach she helps those going through divorce or separation maintain their health and stay organized so that they can feel in control and find clarity and peace.  She specializes in working with clients dealing with difficult endings.

Laying a foundation  for understanding the landscape of divorce on the mental, emotional, physical and spiritual levels, Margaret speaks on The 9 Things You Can Depend on in Divorce so that you can flow through the process with greater ease.

Making clear choices in the midst of the temporary insanity of divorce can seem like you are swimming upstream but with Margaret's nurturing heart in her weekly group sessions with Clear Choice Divorce, you are expertly guided through 12 weeks of topics allowing you to feel connected with others along this journey and learn the skills it takes to create a strong vessel with great stamina. 

Begin both learning what you can depend on and feeling connected. Sign up today. 

Honor yourself. Celebrate yourstrength. Empower your transformation. 


Location: Tiburon, CA
Credentials: BA, MA
Specialties: Divorce/Divorce Prevention, Spiritual, Wellness
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