Ignoring a man's disrespect is the surest guarantee it will continue.
I gained an amazing insight about successful dating the other day when my girlfriend Janie told me a wild story last week. Janie was on Skype with her cousin Pamela. Pamela was getting ready for a date with a gorgeous man who promised to pick her up at 7 pm.
At 7:15, Janie asked Pamela if she was going to phone the guy to see where he was. Pamela said, "No."
At 7:45, Janie asked again if she was going to give him a call. "No," Pamela answered again. She continued chatting like nothing happened.
At 8:00 pm, Pamela's doorbell rings. She asks Janie to hold on.
Thirty seconds later, Pamela returned and continued chatting like nothing happened.
Perplexed, Janie asked her is she going on her date or not. "No," said Pamela.
"Well, what happened?" asked Janie.
"I asked him what kind of woman he thought I was showing up here an hour late. I threw the flowers he brought at him and closed the door."
OK, I admit ... that was a bit dramatic and over-the-top.
I definitely don't recommend that you do that, but I also do admire the woman. She does not accept being treated as if she, or her time, are anything less than valuable. She does not tolerate poor treatment from a man. And she makes that clear from Day One.
(Just so you know, the guy had no viable excuse. He was just late). My friend Janie always says, "You have to teach a man how to treat you." And I couldn't agree more. Pamela teaches men to treat her well from the very start. I suggest you do the same.
Have you tolerated poor treatment and disrespectful behavior?
Here is a list of 12 disrespectful, low-quality man behaviors that you should never tolerate. It is far from exhaustive, but a good starting point:
- 50/50 relationships. He keeps track of everything to ensure you do (and pay) your "fair share."
- He asks you to pay on a first date (or on the first few dates) or asking you to pay for any date he asked you on. Sorry! I'm old-fashioned. If he starts off that way, it will likely remain that way the entire relationship.
- Arriving late with no excuse or advance notice. (FYI, "a great excuse" in my book me is being in the hospital or dead.)
- Not showing up at all. And, I don't care if he phones the next day or week. Next!
- Constantly cancelling dates and rescheduling. What are you, his third choice?
- Lying about his whereabouts.
- Lying about seeing other women (or sleeping with other women).
- Sarcastic remarks that put you down, such as teasing you about your weight, intelligence, or looks.
- Flirting with or hungrily staring at or making sexual comments about other women.
- Making promises he doesn't keep.
- Always asking you for money.
- Introducing you as a friend, when you are his girlfriend.
There are dozens more. Many are so subtle, they don't seem even disrespectful ... at first.
So, here's a question to ask when you are in doubt: When a man does [you fill in the behavior], how do you feel?
If you feel upset or disrespected, then no one has the right to say you're too sensitive. You may very well be, but those are your feelings. They are valid. OK, dear?
Each woman's situation is different, so it's impossible to give precise dating advice on how to handle your situation.
However, making a list of behaviors you find disrespectful is the first step to claiming your value and raising your worth. With yourself and in the world. Cheers to your First-Class love life!
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