10 Lessons I Learned From My Divorce

By

10 Lessons I Learned From My Divorce [EXPERT]
Don't let your divorce hold you back. Learn from it, and continue to thrive.

Divorce is never easy. The bright side is that it can be a great learning opportunity. Here are ten important lessons I learned from my own experience:

1. It pays to understand how relationships work. Have you heard the term, "starter marriage?" It's the one you get under your belt so you can move on to have the "real" marriage. I was well into my postgraduate work as a marriage and family therapist when my husband and I decided to divorce. Do you think that nicked my ego a bit?

Yes, I beat myself up quite a bit over that, and then I sheepishly admitted to myself that I was actually pretty clueless. I'd had no teachers or role models. My divorce made me wonder about what makes relationships work or fail. I set myself on a mission to find out. I'd love to know that my clients reaped the benefits. My curiosity led me on a wonderful adventure. The Power Of Intentions: Thriving Through Divorce

2. Know thyself. It occurred to me that if I had known myself better, I would have made a different choice. But then, I had to come to terms with the reality of what had happened — I didn't exactly choose, we just fell into a relationship together, as though we were two separate ingredients tossed together into a salad bowl. Or, perhaps we were peanut butter and jelly haphazardly slapped together, between two slices of bread.

The question begs: do people's behaviors follow a similar circuitry to that of molecules being hurled (or hurling themselves) around the universe willy nilly, eventually finding their molecule stuck to another molecule? My divorce made me think, and think, and think ...

3. Know the immense value of a committed relationship. I learned so much about being a human in my marriage. I will always feel grateful for the time I got to spend exploring life with another. I've been ready to do that once again, for many, many years now in fact; which led me to realize it is a very rare and sacred event.

The capacity to be intimate with another being is a mystical gift we all possess, but do not always allow ourselves to experience to it's fullest depths. I wonder what molecules mating would look like under a microscope?

4. This too shall pass. I have a vivid memory of crying my eyes out while I unpacked box after box, moving into my first apartment on my own. I felt terrorized; I had never lived alone. I lived with a family, then roommates, then a husband but never alone.

More divorce advice from YourTango:

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.