Reconnect with the Ex? What You Need To Know Before You Give It Another Go


Reconnect with the Ex? What You Need To Know Before You Give It Another Go

1. Make sure you’re reuniting for the right reasons
Before you and your ex give Your Relationship, Part Two the green light, you’ll want to double check your intentions. Are you interested in getting back together because you love, respect, and genuinely want to make the relationship work, or are you simply lonely, confused, scared, or, worse, you just don't like the dating prospects you've met so far as a savvy single? Worse still, have you discovered that your ex is moving on before you are and instead of letting them go, you now want to hold on for dear life? Before you make a hasty decision the two of you could live to regret, it's essential that you both identify your reasons for reuniting. Do NOT reunite out of fear, scarcity, or loneliness. Those are natural reactions to a breakup. They are NOT signs you should get back together with your ex, nor are they signs that your ex was The One. Both of you need to believe that the relationship is worth salvaging and that you can make it work. Then – and only then – should you resuscitate your relationship.

2. Understand the odds against you
After the breakup, you may have put your ex on a pedestal, remembering the relationship through rose colored glasses. If you've got reuniting on your mind, you should know that the odds are stacked against you. After all, your relationship probably ended for a good reason. Reuniting won't automatically fix what was wrong in the first place. The reality is, there were issues, problems, and traits your ex possessed that probably drove you nuts. Right about now, you may be in denial about that. But rest assured, once you reunite, those frustrations, annoyances, and/or challenges will come rushing back. And unless you and your ex find new approaches to dealing with old habits and patterns, you could easily end up exactly where you left off -- at each other's throats and ultimately broken up. Having said that, just because the odds aren't in your favor does not mean you shouldn't give the relationship another chance. You just need to be aware of the challenges involved -- and the odds of success -- in reviving a once-dead relationship.

3. Be willing to leave the past behind
Regardless of why you broke up in the past, if you and your ex intend to reunite, you've both got to be willing to leave the past behind. That doesn't necessarily mean forgetting the past, but forgiving is essential. Otherwise, you're doomed to relationship failure. If somebody cheated, lied, and/or betrayed the other one in any way, both partners have to be willing to forgive and make a fresh start. It's the only way to make your second chance successful. Before you give the relationship another go, you need to have an honest and open conversation about whether or not the two of you can forgive one another. It may not be a fun conversation, but it's an essential one to your future relationship success.

4. It takes two to tango (and make it work)
If you’ve assessed the reasons why you want to reunite, have weighed the odds against you, and still want to get back together, you need to make sure your ex is on the same page. This may be a difficult discussion to broach, but it's a necessary one if you want to have a future together. After all, it takes two to tango, and both partners have to be equally committed to the dance. You won't know until you sit down and have that honest and open conversation.

Share this with someone you love (or even like a lot)!

Let's make it
FB official
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Lisa Steadman

Credentials: Other
Specialties: Dating/Being Single Support, Life Management
Other Articles/News by Lisa Steadman:

Foster Parenting: When Dad Is Doting And Mom Is A Moody Impostor


I've always known I married a man who is a far better human being than I. (My own father who loves and adores me actually told me this on my wedding day so you know it’s legit.) It should therefore come as no surprise that The Hubs took to foster-parenting "The Wee One" like a champ. It was freakish, really. Here's a man who, on ... Read more

4 Reasons To Get Back With An Ex - Or Not


It's over: not only is your relationship in the rearview mirror, your breakup is settling into the dust, too. And yet here you are, thinking about your ex and wondering if you gave up too quickly. Asking yourself if it's too late to make the relationship work. I get it. I've been there. Once upon a time — way before marriage with "The ... Read more

Confessions Of An Imposter Mom: Playground Politics


I'm not proud of what I'm about to say, but here goes...   I'm a real a**hole on the playground. More specifically, I may be ruining young psyches with my playground politics.   Case in point: The little blond girl we'll call Julia. In my defense, Julia's a real prima dona. Blonde. Prissy. Know-it-all. She ... Read more

See More

Recent Expert Posts
Girl Decorates Easter Eggs

"Love is the bridge between you and everything" Rumi

Love is all around us, if we allow yourselves to see it.

deep breath

Should I stay or Should i go? 5 Ways To Make The Best Decision

Are you confused about staying or going in a relationship? Read on...


How to Get Over Your Stinkin' Thinkin'

Recognize "Stinkin Thinkin" that leads to depression and turn it into positive action and success.

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

How to find the right pro for you
10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

YourTango Experts can help your business go from good to great.

10 Steps To Improve Your Coaching Business

Take your coaching business from mediocre to great in no time…

Frequently Asked Questions About YourTango Experts

Thinking of joining? Here's all the facts you need to know to make the most of your membership.

Getting Your Guy To Join You In A Therapy Or Coaching Session

So how can your get your strong, self-reliant, superman to talk to an Expert with you?

Therapist/Counselors: Who We Are & What We Do

What exactly does a therapist/counselor do and can they really help?

See more resources>