"She's just the sexiest woman alive," said my male client, a guy in his early 30's who was fit, kind, and looking to date a woman like the one he was talking about. You're probably rolling your eyes right now, thinking that he's referring to Megan Fox or Jennifer Lawrence. Maybe you'd be pleasantly surprised, or even shocked, to know that he was talking about Diane Lane, who is 19 years his senior at 49 years old! Why did my client find this older woman so irresistible?
"It's less about age and more about...the way some women make you forget that age exists, I think," said another guy in his 20's at a bar. My friend had asked him whether or not he'd consider dating a 40, or even 50-year-old woman. "Of course! It just depends. Just like it depends with anyone." But could he really considering being with a woman twenty years older than him? His friend weighed in: "some older women are even sexier than the hottest girls our age you could meet, because they aren't like...girls. They're women, they already know who they are. It's like George Clooney, right?"
My young girl friend told me she had to agree. There were several older men who she said gave her a "hot dad vibe," including Clooney! We all know Clooney, the eternal bachelor he is, doesn't have any children, but it's the confidence in his gravelly voice, strong hands, and mischievous smile that make him the sexy, worldly man he is.
As my friend's conversation went on, a bartender in his 30's weighed in as well: "the hottest woman I've ever been with was 55. She was so comfortable being naked in front of me and she always said and did exactly what she wanted. Being with her was like one giant relief. Like if dating is a video game, it's like I'd found the secret cheat code and skipped all the hard levels. But we never played games, that was the sexiest part!"
It's clear that there is an absolutely irresistible beauty in being confident at any stage in life. Whether the guy was in his 20's, 30's, or 40's, my friend seemed to get the same answer from each one of them. Not only could older women compete with younger women, but they could also win the race with flying colors. So that's why it's so frustrating to me to see the emphasis my older clients put on age. They put so much pressure on themselves to look a certain way that they'll do anything to achieve a younger look. In fact, when my friend's conversation turned to what could be unattractive about older women, the number one answer was "immaturity." Why? One 23-year-old guy said it best: "Women who try to seem younger just seem catty and weird. It's like one big lie. It shows their age more because there's such a gap between their maturity and their looks. The sexiest thing about a woman at any age is confidence. A confident woman is proud to act her age."
It's true that being dishonest with others or yourself about your age is one of the most unattractive things you can do. I feel like I've heard countless clients tell me, "I'm 50, ...but every one says I look 35!" Honestly, what's wrong with being a gorgeous 50-year-old woman? The problem is that every time you deny your age, you are rejecting yourself. Perhaps we women need to stop denying our age and adopt an attitude of agelessness. Think about the women who seem ageless and infinitely sexy in Hollywood: Robin Wright, Kim Catrall, Susan Sarandon, Helen Mirren, Jane Fonda, Diane Lane and Diane Keaton, to name a few. They define what it means to be graceful, confident and at ease. You can tell that they know their strengths and feel beautiful when they walk into a room.
At one wedding I attended, I met a woman who was much like them, but she was no Hollywood movie star. Even though she was the groom's grandmother, she was the hottest woman in the room. Elegantly dressed from head to toe, she captured the attention of everyone at the wedding. When I asked how she and her husband met, her sweet smile lit up the room. Gushing like an 18-year-old, she told me about how they met on a trolley car in Cleveland. Everything that was feminine, engaging, nurturing, and sweet about her was still there, which made her more attractive than many women half her age.
Why is it that we waste our youth feeling awkward and insecure only to spend the rest of our lives trying to get it back? It seems that more and more of us are using Botox, anti-wrinkle serums, younger guys, and self-deception in an attempt to hold back the hands of time. There's nothing wrong with doing what we can to stay fit and attractive, but at the same time, the stress of fighting the aging process can actually age us more. What makes us more attractive in the long run is to ask, "How can I become more playful, open minded, and confident as I age?" Think about all the beautiful things about you that have only gotten better with age — your mind, your career, your confidence , and your sensuality — younger women can't hold a candle to your years of experience. When you realize that you're more beautiful than ever, you'll be radiant. In the end, confidence is the sexiest thing of all, and it never gets old!
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