Divorce isn't the end of the world.
This past weekend, I ran into an old friend I hadn't seen in years. She told me, with head bowed, that she was going through a transition. She was getting a divorce. She felt lost and didn't know what to do. Is that how you feel? I certainly felt that way when I left my marriage of 10 years.
After defining myself as half of a couple for so long, I didn't have a clue who I was outside of that relationship. It was scary, but it was also exhilarating.
When my friend told me what she was going through, I held her hands, looked her in the eye and said, "This is wonderful. It's your time for a fresh start. You have the opportunity to create a new life that excites you, starting today."
Here's a seven-step process designed to guide you through the next leg of your journey, and get you excited about the future that lies ahead.
1. Get present.
Find a quiet space where you can sit uninterrupted, and clear your mind of all the clutter. In the present moment, there are no issues. There is simply beautiful you. It's time you get to know her better. Give this gift to yourself.
2. Get real.
Ask yourself, "What is really happening right now?" Now listen for the answer, devoid of emotion. Accept responsibility for the role you played to create this current reality. When you accept the truth, you tap into the power to change what you don't like.
3. Get over it.
In a place of blame and judgment, there's no room for possibility. Surrender your need to be right. Know that everything happens for a reason, and express gratitude for the opportunity to learn and grow from every situation, good and bad. Shed light on your limiting beliefs, and then release them so you may heal and move on.
4. Get clear.
Visualize yourself living a new life, fully empowered and self-expressed. See the details in your life and feel how it would be to live a life that's reflective of your core values and dreams. Stretch yourself. Know that you can create what you desire.
5. Get engaged.
Declare an unwavering commitment to honor yourself with integrity. Place value on your needs, because you're worthy of a new life that excites you. You deserve it! It's your time for a fresh start.
6. Get serious.
Every choice either brings you closer to or further away from your vision, so back up your commitment with deliberate action that aligns with your vision. As your confidence grows, subsequent choices will be easier and will eventually become new habits.
7. Get support.
Surround yourself with a community that loves and respects you for the contribution you are in this world. This also means cutting relationships that are toxic and looking to new places to get the support you need, like a support group or life transitions coach.
Chances are, you feel bad about the divorce and things that happened during the marriage. You likely feel hurt, rejected, and angry. If you don't, you may actually be repressing those feelings, and that's not good either.
How long are you willing to stay stuck playing the victim? Think about the impact you're having on those around you and how it would be different if you loved yourself fully for who you are right now.
It all begins with a change in perspective. Seeing this major life transition as an opportunity for growth and the creation of a new life that excites you is empowering. When you begin to move through the fear and embrace what's possible, you will open doors that you never even knew existed.