Moving on is easier with clear goals to work toward.
By Leila Reyes — Written on Jan 10, 2014
Starting over can be hard — it can seem insurmountable when you're over 50. But here's the good news: It's definitely doable, and you can find the love you deserve. Use the past as inspiration to move forward with these relationship resolutions.
Relationship Resolution #1: Never Again
Have you ever been through a breakup and swore, "I'll never do that again!" only to find yourself back in the same relationship patterns? It's awful, isn't it? Unfortunately, it takes having a few relationships before you discover that you're the common denominator, but trust me: it's actually a good thing to finally acknowledge. How do you actually follow through with a crazy resolution like this one? You're human, right? And you're going to be in relationship, right? (Unless you've sworn them off, but that doesn't really work either — I promise!)
The real question to ask yourself is this: "How do I get into a relationship without ending up in the same type of relationship?"
Here's the answer: You gotta take a good, hard look at yourself. Honestly look at your patterns of behavior, your communication, and attachment styles that you repeatedly find yourself in. At 50, you probably know what they are, so stop pointing your finger at the other person and take a good hard compassionate look at yourself. (Without blaming yourself, of course.)
If you want help with this, call me! I can be very compassionate without letting you "get away" with anything.
Relationship Resolution #2: Create A Power Base
I just got off of the phone with a 50 year old woman who has recently ended a relationship. She said, "I made my whole life about him, and now I have nothing!" With a power base, your life won't fall apart when the relationship ends. I read recently that everyone needs to have least three things:
- Do something on a regular basis that ooozes self-love. Pick up a hobby, take time for meditation, or travel to your favorite vacation spot. Maybe you like reading trashy novels! Go for whatever makes you feel good.
- Spend regular time nurturing friendships. It's easy to get depressed if you hibernate when going through a breakup. Wallowing in self-pity is okay for a few days, but take a break from it, OK? If you want a healthy relationship, then you need to make sure your friendships are solid. And, whatever you do, don't give up your friends for a relationship.
- Get involved with something that you care about. This could be volunteering in an organization, like what I do with the Insight Prison Project (I facilitate a restorative justice program inside a California state prison.) You could join a softball team or a cooking club. Make sure that whatever you engage involves a community that you enjoy being a part of.
Relationship Resolution #3: Get Support
The biggest thing I see people do when they break up is isolate themselves from the life they once knew. It's common, it's normal, and in some situations, it may be completely appropriate. Maybe they feel judged by their married friends, or shame over the relationship's failure, or maybe they feel like no one understands. The right kind of support will help you follow through with your first two relationship resolutions, which can sometimes be tricky.
If you're 50 and going through a breakup, you're probably ready to do something that you've never done before: Reclaim Yourself! 50 is the most common age for women to really commit to letting go of the old so they can consciously create their new life.
Introduction to Spiritual Divorce
If you're ready to get support in making yourself a priority, then join me for an 8-week study of Spiritual Divorce and let this fulfill one of your relationship resolutions for getting support! The rest will follow — I promise!
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