ProConnect

Relationship Resolutions For Women Over 50

By

Breakup Advice: How To Move On When You're Over 50
Turn that breakup into a positive thing.
Moving on is easier with clear goals to work toward.

Starting over can be hard — it can seem insurmountable when you're over 50. But here's the good news: It's definitely doable, and you can find the love you deserve. Use the past as inspiration to move forward with these relationship resolutions.

Relationship Resolution #1: Never Again
Have you ever been through a breakup and swore, "I'll never do that again!" only to find yourself back in the same relationship patterns? It's awful, isn't it? Unfortunately, it takes having a few relationships before you discover that you're the common denominator, but trust me: it's actually a good thing to finally acknowledge. How do you actually follow through with a crazy resolution like this one? You're human, right? And you're going to be in relationship, right? (Unless you've sworn them off, but that doesn't really work either — I promise!)

More from YourTango: 8 Things You Don't Want To Hear During Your Divorce

The real question to ask yourself is this: "How do I get into a relationship without ending up in the same type of relationship?"  

Here's the answer: You gotta take a good, hard look at yourself. Honestly look at your patterns of behavior, your communication, and attachment styles that you repeatedly find yourself in. At 50, you probably know what they are, so stop pointing your finger at the other person and take a good hard compassionate look at yourself. (Without blaming yourself, of course.)

If you want help with this, call me! I can be very compassionate without letting you "get away" with anything. 

Relationship Resolution #2: Create A Power Base
I just got off of the phone with a 50 year old woman who has recently ended a relationship. She said, "I made my whole life about him, and now I have nothing!" With a power base, your life won't fall apart when the relationship ends. I read recently that everyone needs to have least three things: 

  1. Do something on a regular basis that ooozes self-love. Pick up a hobby, take time for meditation, or travel to your favorite vacation spot. Maybe you like reading trashy novels! Go for whatever makes you feel good.  
  2. Spend regular time nurturing friendships. It's easy to get depressed if you hibernate when going through a breakup. Wallowing in self-pity is okay for a few days, but take a break from it, OK? If you want a healthy relationship, then you need to make sure your friendships are solid. And, whatever you do, don't give up your friends for a relationship.  
  3. Get involved with something that you care about. This could be volunteering in an organization, like what I do with the Insight Prison Project (I facilitate a restorative justice program inside a California state prison.) You could join a softball team or a cooking club. Make sure that whatever you engage involves a community that you enjoy being a part of.

Relationship Resolution #3: Get Support
The biggest thing I see people do when they break up is isolate themselves from the life they once knew. It's common, it's normal, and in some situations, it may be completely appropriate. Maybe they feel judged by their married friends, or shame over the relationship's failure, or maybe they feel like no one understands. The right kind of support will help you follow through with your first two relationship resolutions, which can sometimes be tricky.

If you're 50 and going through a breakup, you're probably ready to do something that you've never done before: Reclaim Yourself! 50 is the most common age for women to really commit to letting go of the old so they can consciously create their new life.  

Introduction to Spiritual Divorce
If you're ready to get support in making yourself a priority, then join me for an 8-week study of Spiritual Divorce and let this fulfill one of your relationship resolutions for getting support! The rest will follow — I promise!  

More from YourTango: Why is January Divorce Month?

More on How To Move On from YourTango:

Share this with someone you love (or even like a lot)!

Let's make it
FB official
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Leila Reyes

Divorce Recovery Coach

Leila Reyes, CICP, is an international coach, workshop & Spiritual Divorce(tm) facilitator specializing in divorce recovery.  She can help you heal your heart, regain your power, and create a vibrant and fulfilling life after the shattering loss of your hopes and dreams.

Connect with Leila Reyes on November 13th in an interactive Community Call to learn how to Survive this Holiday Season

Location: San Anselmo, CA
Credentials: ACC
Other Articles/News by Leila Reyes:

3 Things you MUST do to Save Your Marriage!

By

I NEVER THOUGHT IT WOULD HAPPEN TO ME! And there lies the problem… you weren’t thinking!  No-one does! When you got married, I know you weren’t thinking about what you needed to do to keep your marriage strong.  Your connection came naturally and you enjoyed your time together.  You looked forward to the weekends and to ... Read more

3 Reasons Why Staying Married For The Kids May Backfire

By

Think it's noble to stay married for the kids? Think again! I'm going to give you my take on what happens when you sacrifice your own happiness for the kids. Let me tell you that I know, because I did it. In other words, I know you have really good reasons.  Staying married for the kids seems like a good idea and I'm confident that your heart ... Read more

8 Things You Don't Want To Hear During Your Divorce

By

I'm so sorry you're hurting! Breaking up is painful for everyone and I'm going to tell you something that you might not want to hear. You don't have to suffer! I read a HuffingtonPost article that got me thinking: lies, betrayal, abandonment are all real circumstances that can leave you feeling bad. You may be in a grieving process that ... Read more

See More

Recent Expert Posts
shame

How to Get Over Your Stinkin' Thinkin'

Recognize "Stinkin Thinkin" that leads to depression and turn it into positive action and success.

valentines-flowers-surprise

Why Breakups Hurt

Breakups hurt us even when there is no love lost.

Brain

Why Do Men Hide Their Emotions?

The emotional processing in the male and female brain is not the same....

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

Resources
How to find the right pro for you
10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

YourTango Experts can help your business go from good to great.

10 Steps To Improve Your Coaching Business

Take your coaching business from mediocre to great in no timeā€¦

Frequently Asked Questions About YourTango Experts

Thinking of joining? Here's all the facts you need to know to make the most of your membership.

Getting Your Guy To Join You In A Therapy Or Coaching Session

So how can your get your strong, self-reliant, superman to talk to an Expert with you?

Therapist/Counselors: Who We Are & What We Do

What exactly does a therapist/counselor do and can they really help?

See more resources>
HOT STUFF!
FROM OUR PARTNERS