Divorce Sucks! Don't Go It Alone!

Working with a divorce coach will help you succeed---not just survive, your divorce.

By Laura Miolla — Written on Oct 01, 2013

There are a few major milestones in life—or rites of passage—that change your life forever. These milestones include going to college, getting your first real job, living by yourself for the first time, getting married and unfortunately for about half of you, getting divorced. Each of these represents a major change in your life that either helps you focus your path in a specific direction (like getting your first job or getting married) or breaks you out of your existing path altogether. Divorce definitely falls into the latter category. Depending upon your individual circumstances, separation and divorce can be like a bomb going off in your life. Let a divorce coach help put the pieces back together.

KABOOM! Your life will never be the same again. Everything you knew is gone. So, what does that mean for you now? What does it mean for your future? You have some important decisions to make, and yet you are stuck in pain and confusion. You are paralyzed by your loss and fear of the future. You are coping with what this all means for yourself and your children. You are lost with no sense of direction. You need help. You need clarity to envision a new life for yourself. You need empowerment to help you build that new life. And you need a cheerleader to root for you along the way.

What resources are available to you?

Unfortunately, not many. Divorce is an industry. And as such, there are scores of experts focused on helping you get divorced—mediators, divorce attorneys, financial coaches and collaborative law firms (with their own mediators, coaches and psychologists). All have valuable knowledge and experience within their distinct area of specialization, but quite frankly, they are limited to advising you on the law. Their only goal is to get you divorced regardless of the emotional rollercoaster you are on. Getting divorced is definitely a milestone, but your goal is to have a better life. You need to focus on the big picture in this process and frankly, your attorney can't help you with that. It also isn't a smart use of your money. Every minute you spend venting with your divorce attorney is costing you—A LOT!

And therapy isn't an ideal fit either. Therapy focuses on the past to explain the present. You can't change the past, though. So, while this approach might help you make some sense of out of what happened, it rarely gets you to a place of clarity around what you want now and in the future. And it rarely provides action steps to help you create the life you want. You need inspiration to move forward and therapy might keep you in the past spinning your wheels.

While not incredibly well-known, divorce coaching will help you before, during and after your divorce. Coaching provides a safe, confidential space where you can explore what you want for yourself and identify all the things that are holding you back. And having been there myself, I know there is A LOT holding you back. When it comes to divorce, our inner critics are running rampant feeding us fear, confusion, anger and self-doubt. It's not a good place to be in. It's incredibly difficult to make any decisions in that place, never mind the right ones. And it's almost impossible to create a vision for yourself for when this is all over. If you don’t have a vision for a better life, what are you working towards in your divorce?

Focused on the present and the future, coaching will help you explore and address all of your questions and confusion. Who are you now? Who do you want to be in the future? How do you deal with the fear of the unknown? How do you get past all that anger, hurt and resentment? Who are you now that you're single? How do you cope with the confusing and unending legal process?

Coaching will expand your possibilities and empower you to move forward with confidence and excitement. With clarity, you will make better decisions for yourself and your children throughout the legal process and beyond. Clarity also puts you in a better position in your negotiation with a higher probability of getting what you want. And your coach is your shoulder to cry on, your sounding board, your cheerleader and your biggest fan.

A divorce coach is also a lot less expensive than a divorce attorney. So, while it seems counterintuitive to add yet another expense to the pile that your divorce has created, hiring a divorce coach is a smart choice that will actually save you money in the long run. It will save you money in attorney fees, and it will save you money by helping you make better decisions throughout the divorce process.

The great news about having a bomb go off is that you get to re-build the pieces however you like. Divorce sucks, but it is also an incredible opportunity to transform your life. So, don't feel like you have to do this alone. Your coach is out there ready to help you and cheer you on!