Divorce is a bummer but it doesn't have to define your life.
No one wants to talk about divorce. Most people will do their best to avoid it, and you, entirely. In most peoples’ minds, divorce equals failure. Failed marriage. Failed love. Failed dreams. Failure is a perspective though and one you don’t need to internalize.
You might not realize it but you actually have a choice. You can choose to embrace a new perspective, one that is far more empowering for you. What do you have to lose by finding the positive in yourself and in this situation? Your fear? Your self-doubt? Your anger? You really don’t need those feelings. Trust me because those emotions aren’t helping you. You might not even realize it, but they’re actually keeping you stuck. So, choose a perspective that will help you on this journey. If you're feeling low, read on for three new perspective that may change the way you think and feel. You might find a new you and a new life along the way.
Divorce is a Gift
Let’s face it — most people don’t live a Brady Bunch kind of life. If your marriage didn't work, the reality is that there is a reason for it. Something was broken and couldn't be fixed. It could have been the small things or it could have been something really big. You might not have even realized you were on that road. But now you know. And if it's broken, why would you want it back? In Fly Away Home, Jennifer Weiner wrote, "Divorce isn't such a tragedy. A tragedy's staying in an unhappy marriage, teaching your children the wrong things about love. Nobody ever died of divorce." And it's true. You haven't died. Now, don’t let fear of the unknown stop you from living your life. You only get one so shift your perspective from the negative to the positive. Think of your divorce as a gift. Think of it as the very thing that you needed to acknowledge that the marriage wasn't working and that it wouldn't work in the future. There is no doubt it is a really big sign that says you need to find a new path. You can’t stay where you are.
Divorce is a New Beginning
So, where do you want to go? That’s the question that few of my clients can't answer right away. They're too distracted by their negative emotions, fear of the unknown and obsessive thoughts about their ex. It's natural and it makes sense. You need to process what has happened, but to a point. You need to move past all that though. Why? The most important thing in this divorce is YOU. So, why are you wasting your time and energy on anything else? You need to focus on YOURSELF. Only you can decide what’s most important to you in this divorce process and afterward. And if you don’t know what's most important to you, you are setting yourself up for a very long, expensive divorce. Do you really want that? Once you accept that this divorce is a new beginning, you can let go of the past and start to imagine, and build, a new future for yourself. Get moving!
Divorce is an Opportunity
The door is wide open. All of them are. You just need to pick the one you like best. Divorce is an opportunity to approach life differently. There is huge freedom for you in this space and you’ve probably learned a lot about yourself in this process. A lot of the superfluous stuff got stripped away leaving you with...YOU. Use everything you’ve learned to create a life you love. Use it to be a great role model for your kids. Your marriage didn't define you and neither will your divorce. Yes, focusing on the positive is challenging. Yes, creating a new life is challenging. But isn’t your life worth it? Remember, you only get one.
Contact Laura for your free, 60-minute confidential consultation to help you make better decisions in your divorce, achieve better outcomes and lower the cost. And sign up on my website to download your free MoxieLife Divorce Survival Guide -- where I give you easy action steps for getting off the emotional rollercoaster in your divorce!
More divorce coach on YourTango: