How many years have you been allowing what you don't like in your marriage? And how many compromises have you made that just didn't feel good? I'm not talking about leaving the toilet seat up or the toothpaste cap off. I'm talking about where you wanted to be in your life … your hopes and dreams for your future. But here's the thing: Your future is now and somehow those hopes and dreams got derailed by someone else's hopes and dreams. And somehow, the achievement of your very own fairy tale marriage was supposed to make it all "OK" that you put another's needs before your own. But it isn't OK. It is never OK. Without really knowing how you got here, you realize that your marriage isn't quite right. It wasn't what you envisioned it to be. And it leaves you hollow inside.
As a divorce coach, I hear it all the time: My clients aren't fulfilled in their marriage, years have gone by, and yet they are reluctant to accept that a divorce might be the best thing that ever happened to them. I hear things like, "My relationship isn't abusive" or "I don't want to hurt my family" or "Maybe, it's just me." It makes me wonder, "Why are you holding onto something so tightly when it isn’t serving you or your family … and what would letting go look like?"
No More Drama
Divorce can be a gift to you and your family. Truly. All the fighting, emotional distance and disappointed expectations would end. There might finally be peace and appreciation in your life … and your childrens' lives. And believe me, your children want peace. They want loving, happy and engaged parents, regardless of whether they are married or not. And you will be a better role model for them when they see that you aren't settling for less than you deserve. There's a reason they tell you on an airplane to put the oxygen mask on yourself before you put it on your children. If you don't take care of yourself, you won't be able to help anyone else. So, who are you really "helping" by staying in an unhappy relationship? No one.
No More Compromise
Divorce can be the catalyst in your life to stop compromising yourself and your values; to stop allowing what you don't like. Relationships require equal give and take. But when you are doing all the giving, then something is seriously broken in the relationship. Even in a marriage, you shouldn't have to compromise who you are for someone else. In a balanced relationship, Mr. Right will cherish that about you and support you 1000 percent. So, why are you wasting time with Mr. Wrong, knowing this situation won't change? And if you wouldn't want that for your children, why are you still allowing it?
No More Putting Yourself Second
Divorce will put you in the driver's seat of your life. For some, that kind of ownership feels like overwhelming responsibility. Well, if that is the case, I have a secret to tell you. You only get one life and you've always been in the driver's seat. Choosing to let someone else decide where you go may feel easier, but in the end, it will leave stuck in an unfamiliar place that you never actively chose for yourself. So, take the wheel! Your fulfillment is all that matters in this world. If you are happy, then everyone around you, including your children, will be happy. And Mr. Right will do everything in his power to make you #1 … which just might earn him that title of Mr. Right.
So, let go of what doesn't serve you. Realize that divorce can be a gift to you and your family. If you keep looking backward, you can never see the world of possibility in front of you. Believe that you deserve far more in your life than settling for an unfulfilling marriage. Listen to your intuition. Believe it before you waste more of your life being unhappy. And accept that there are better things waiting for you.
Contact Laura for your free, 60-minute confidential consultation to help you make better decisions in your divorce, achieve better outcomes and lower the cost. And sign up on my website to download your free MoxieLife Divorce Survival Guide — where I give you easy action steps for getting off the emotional rollercoaster in your divorce!
More divorce advice from YourTango: