He will charm you, woo you and push you for quick involvement.
He appears to be a normal, caring individual. Underneath his charming facade, he has no conscience for the pain and suffering he causes you.
When dating a sociopath, the only warning sign you may have is a mild sense of doubt and skepticism — it’s a warning sign you should heed.
Sociopaths can be very romantic, extremely charming, exceedingly generous and seductive. He wines and dines you, calls you constantly, sends you greeting cards and love notes, writes you poetry, and surprises you with flowers, jewelry, gifts and trips. He is thoughtful. He repairs your broken necklace clasp. He picks your children up from school and he brings groceries and wine to your home. He seems too good to be true.
You feel like you have met your soulmate.
The sociopath declares his love and devotion to you early in the relationship. He tells you he has never felt so much so fast for a woman. He convinces you that he has been misunderstood and mistreated all his life and that you are the only one who understands him. He’s quick to propose an engagement and marriage. You are drawn into his stories of difficulties and sadness.
You feel needed and validated.
He makes you feel special. He talks of a romantic and secure future together and he intrigues you with his grandiose plans. Even though his stories seem elaborate and far-fetched, he seems to be a normal, decent and caring individual. You choose to believe him because he is so extraordinarily convincing.
His only goal is self-gratification.
Everything about a relationship is a game for a sociopath. He is an astute observer of human behavior and they will target women who are nurturing, trusting, kind and caring. He determines your beliefs, issues and passions and proclaims to like what you like, dislike what you dislike, and believe what you believe—thus becoming your ideal mate.
On her first date, Jackie’s sociopathic boyfriend asked her, “Do you smoke? Are you a good mom? Are you a Christian?” His questions insinuated that he was a non-smoker, a good dad and a moral person.
Lying, deceiving and manipulation are second nature to the sociopath. Once you are engulfed in the sociopath’s treacherous relationship, they use blame, projecting and gaslighting to convince you, you are the defective one.
The initial charm you feel with the sociopath does not last long. After you sleep with him, or you sell your home and move in with him, or you marry him and quit your job or you have a baby with him, and he has dug his claws deep into your soul, his schizoid, sinister personality emerges.
The truly scary part about giving your heart to a sociopath is he can dump you in a heartbeat and he has no conscience for the pain and suffering he causes you.
Characteristics of anti-social personality disorder may include:
- Outgoing, gregarious and exciting. Tells unlikely, yet convincing stories. Uses intense charm, verbal skills, flattery, gifts and boasting to influence and manipulate others.
- Pathological lying, deceitful and sneaky, cool under pressure. He always thinks he’s right. You can’t reason with him, and if he is caught in a lie, he will attempt to disguise that falsehood with even more elaborate lies.
- Completely self-centered, inflated sense of entitlement, and illusions of grandeur. Tendency to violate the boundaries of others, disregard for the safety of others, disregard for right and wrong. Marked lack of guilt, remorse and shame for the heartbreak and hardship they cause to others.
- Intimidation of others. Aggressive, often violent behavior, including fits of rage, and prone to getting involved in fights. Vindictive when thwarted or exposed.
- Contempt for social norms and legal constraints. Criminal or DUI history, recurring difficulties with the law or committing fraud without being charged. Inability to learn from experience or punishment.
- Can be reckless, impulsive, and financially irresponsible. Indulges in pretentious, extravagant shopping.
- Inability to tolerate boredom. Need for stimulation and excitement, promiscuous sexual behavior, and infidelity. Prone to addictions and substance abuse.
- History of failed relationships and/or divorce, lack of friends, and estranged from family members. Blames everyone and everything for his problems and hurtful actions. Will often portray their victim as the culprit. Can end relationships quickly when necessary or when it suits them.
- Poor behavioral controls over expressions of irritability, annoyance, impatience, aggression and anger. Secretive and paranoid. Defensive when asked about his whereabouts, work, money, or how he spends his time.
- Consistently irresponsible work behavior or failure to honor financial obligations. Parasitic lifestyle — or, if he is a successful businessperson, uses his stature to manipulate, intimidate, dominate and control others.
- Possesses an innate ability to find the weaknesses in others. Will use this knowledge to manipulate, intimidate and control people.
Do you repeatedly fall for men who are emotionally unavailable, non-committal or abusive? It’s easy to buy into a man’s flattery, charisma and good looks.
Let Nancy help you break your hurtful cycle of falling in love with the wrong men, starting with a complimentary 15-minute telephone conversation. Email Nancy at firstname.lastname@example.org to set up a time for us to chat.
Learn the warning signs of anti-social personalities in the best-selling self-help book: Never Date a Dead Animal: The Red Flags of Losers, Abusers, Cheaters and Con-Artists by Nancy Nichols.
This article was originally published at www.knowitallnancy.com. Reprinted with permission from the author.