It's natural to be angry during a divorce. The important thing is learning to let go.
The latest report on Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise is that they've agreed not to say anything derogatory about each other for the sake of their daughter Suri. Stevie Wonder and his soon-to-be ex wife, Kai Millard Morris, also seem to have an amicable split so far. Should You Stay Married For The Sake Of Your Kids?
Both of these divorces are in sharp contrast to the Paul McCartney and Heather Mills public angerfest that occurred awhile back, when they flung a flurry of derogatory statements at each other. I'm willing to bet, though, that both Katie and Kai do feel some anger at their exes. Anger and divorce often go together, even if you're suppressing your emotions.
Buddhism refers to anger as one of the three poisons of the mind, along with greed and foolishness. Yet, after divorce, feeling angry at your ex-husband can be healthy, up to a point. Anger is the second stage of grief. In order to heal, you have to get through your anger before you can accept that your marriage is over.
Your bitter feelings may be obvious or you may be suppressing them. If you pretend you don't feel angry because you know it's not right to hate another human being or because you don't want your kids to see how you feel about their father, your anger may get buried inside of you. Sometimes it gets buried so deeply you don't even realize it's there because it's camouflaged by the sadness you feel over your divorce.
Letting go of anger isn't easy; it latches on and won't let go. However, there are far more reasons to permanently release this negative emotion than to cling to it. Help! My Family Is Very Judgmental About My Divorce [VIDEO]
Here are six ways to leave your anger behind so you can be more at peace after divorce:
1. Set a time limit. Give yourself permission to be angry at first, but mark a date on the calendar, we'll call it Forgive My Ex-Husband Day, when you will start to release those bad after divorce feelings. Ideally, no more than six to eight weeks after the divorce is finalized. During that time, give yourself permission to do whatever you need to do to really feel the anger.
More divorce advice from YourTango:
- Will Men Date Divorced Women?
- The Real Reason Facebook Causes One-Third Of Divorces
- Is Divorce Becoming a Luxury?