In our heart of hearts, we always know when a relationship is ending. Sadly, people avoid and ignore the signs – staying in relationships long past their expiry date. Why? Breaking up is painful and people would rather delay dealing with it and avoid feeling the pain for as long as possible.
If you are unhappy and in a relationship you sense isn’t serving you any longer, then read on. Also, please know this is a very brief synopsis of each sign. I could easily have written pages about each one but only have limited space here. If, after reading this article, you feel you need more in depth guidance and support, be sure to take me up on my offer at the end, ok?
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Has your relationship become a battleground? If so, then the only thing you have left in common is conflict. When you’re at this point, the relationship is no longer nourishing you, instead it’s depleting you. Fighting can be healthy within a flourishing relationship, but continual repetitive purposeless arguments with nothing being resolved indicates the relationship is over.
2) Small Common Ground
When all the things that connected you in the beginning are now replaced with a multitude of differences. You may find all the activities, habits and even where you want to vacation no longer align.
The most common place this shows up is in time. One partner feels daily intimate connection is vital, while the other prefers just weekends.
Another way to tell it’s over is when your waking up depressed, vaguely disconnected and blue. You’re not sure what’s the matter with you, nothing terrible has happened, you just have an overall feeling of hopelessness and very little joy in your life. This often means the essential vitality in your relationship is gone and you’re not “in love” any more.
I want to point out there is a big difference between comfortable familiarity and boredom. The best metaphor is the difference between a comfortable pair of shoes and old shoes that have worn out and hurt your feet. Check in and see which shoe fits YOU.
4) Emotional Distance
This is when you become aware that the person you’ve been relating with is no longer there when you reach out to make contact. Any attempt to have a conversation consistently illicits a negative response. This is what people mean when they refer to “a lack of communication”. When communication has broken down (verbal, sexual, emotional, affection) this is experienced as emotional distance.
5) Moving Away
Many relationships that have gone past their expiry date really collapse when there’s a change in geography. Habits and routines are often the glue that binds and supports a relationship. For this reason, a relationship that is ending will be severely impacted with a change in location. The relationship was being held together by the house, the neighborhood or town.
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Couples will buy and build their dream house and, once moved in, the relationship falls apart. It may look like moving was the problem, but actually the breakdown was already occurring long before.
Do you have questions for Kim? Leave a Comment Below.