No-Nonsense, No-Drama, No-Guilt: The Resilient Daughter's Guide To...Handling Your Own Anger
"I have to stay angry in order to protect myself!" That is something that I actually said, out loud, about a year ago. And it's something I believed, unconsciously, for a very long time, before that.
I believed that my anger protected me from my mother. Prior to that, I thought I didn't have the right to be angry. That doesn't mean that I wasn't ... it just means that I stuffed it. And DAMNIT, I wanted to be angry!
I wanted, FINALLY, to allow myself to be SPITTING ANGRY at all the things she said and did (or didn't say and do) throughout parenthood. I thought that "allowing myself to be angry" was a sign that I was finally taking my power back. Now I see that it was the opposite.
Why? Because as long as my anger was "in reaction" to my mother, I was giving all my power away to her. I was letting her be responsible for my emotions.
It's funny because this morning's Note From The Universe said, "All deliberate change comes from denying the logic that most gives you comfort. And doing so is uncomfortable." I get it. I get that it's comfortable to stay pissed at your mother, believing that your anger is protecting you.
I also get that admitting that you don't have the greatest relationship with your mother can ping your ego and bring up shame and guilt, which, in turn feeds those "I'm not good enough" messages AND tells you that you are a "bad girl" because your haven't been able to make peace with your mother.
As a result you play small, you don't take care of your sweet self, and you believe that your desires and preferences don't matter.
You can't even imagine what it might be like to be fully free to create the emotions you most want to feel, and thus create the life you most want to have.
Here are are four steps you can ask and answer for yourself that will help you start to take your power back:
1. Acknowledge the anger, bitterness, shame, resentment, [insert emotion of your choice here.] Say it out loud.
2. Ask yourself if you like feeling this way. If yes, why? If no, why?
3. Ask yourself how you want to feel instead. Why?
4. What's stopping you from feeling the way you want to feel?
Being honest about, and taking full responsibility for, our emotions = being fully empowered and creative.
Karen C.L. Anderson is a master-certified "mother" coach. She invites you to take your power back and join her upcoming class, Sweet Blessed Relief: A Six Week Course For Adult Daughters Seeking Resilience + Empowerment. Registration ends Monday, January 19!