Fast-track your recovery!
"Life always waits for some crisis to occur before revealing itself at its most brilliant" P. Coelho
Whether you've had your heart broken or you chose to your end your relationship, now's the time to ask yourself: What do I really want?
A break up is an opportunity to reflect inward and focus on self improvement — and really, self-love. So in honor of starting fresh and wiping the slate clean, here are 10 ways to get the HELL over him fast:
1. Clean house — literally
Old photos, personal belongings he left behind — chuck out anything that ties him to you. Don't just wipe your personal space clean, get it ready for when you move on.
After it's clean, invest in something that enhances your home, such as a fabulous painting or that new couch you've been eyeing. Then take a look around: Would someone be impressed within your space? Make your home your happy place.
2. Get up and get moving
Diving into new ventures is the best way to get your mind off an old love. Take on an extra project at work, volunteer, or take that trip you've always dreamed about. Spend your time with friends, plan a dinner party and get in shape.
Remember, you had a full life before him and there is no reason not to have an even better life after him. Don't let him keep his hold on you. Get yourself together and become an even better YOU.
3. Stay AWAY from his Facebook and Instagram
Nothing is more painful after a breakup than the make-believe world of social media. By keeping tabs on him, you allow yourself access to what you believe is his idyllic world.
There he is on Instagram, smiling back at you, life of the party. As you look closer, you see his arm entwined with a pretty girl you don't recognize. Unfriend him and unfollow him NOW. Stop torturing yourself by Facebook "stalking" him. Remember that social media is a forum to show people only what they want you to see.
4. Bump up the music (to something happier!)
Don't take Elton John's advice to turn on those "Sad Songs" that say so much. A verse in the song says "It feels so good to hurt so bad" — but does it? I'm thinking it's more detrimental than cathartic. Turn up the volume with something a little more up beat.
5. Make a list of all your ex's faults (it's OK to be mean)
Surely he wasn't perfect. In fact, he is not in your life with fabulous YOU, so clearly, he has issues. Write it all down, make the list and happily keep adding to it.
6. Steer clear of his friends and family
Trying to get closer to his friends and family after a break up is a common mistake women make. Remember, they were HIS friends, not yours. Even if the break up wasn't your fault and they feel bad for you, their loyalty will likely remain with him. You were his girlfriend or wife. He is their son or best friend. You'd probably do the same for your own friend.
7. Find some new places to hang out
You know the little bar on the corner you frequented with him? The one where everyone knows your (and his) name? Stay away. Don't go back (at least for a while). There are so many other options to choose from.
Try something new and make new memories with new people. If you divorced and remarried, would you choose to go back to all the same places with your new husband? Unlikely.
8. Take control of your dating habits
Get some control of your love life — hire a professional matchmaker or a dating coach. A professional can help you look at patterns in your prior relationships and "break the cycle" of things that weren't successful in the past.
And if you haven't tried online dating, consider it. The stigma of outsourcing romantic help is gone — 40 million Americans are dating online and 44 percent of adult Americans are single, according to U.S. Census figures. That is 100 million single Americans! The argument for "there is no one out there for me" simply isn't true.
Many singles have success with dating sites such as eHarmony and Match. Combined with more specific sites such as Catholic Match or JDate, your chances of finding someone increases. There are even dating sites for dog lovers and farmers.
If you're not "ready" for a serious relationship, it's OK but you should still consider dating. You're bound to learn something about yourself in the process and it provides momentum for moving you closer to the one you're meant to be with.
9. Stop watching rom-coms and sappy movies
Movies such as When Harry Met Sally and The Notebook are iconic, but they're not for you to watch anytime soon. Even the movie Bridesmaids — as funny as it is — could potentially make you feel very badly about yourself. The opening scene is so cringe-worthy, it stays with you despite the happy outcome of the movie.
Pick a different genre, but most important, you should be too busy with your super-charged, exciting single life to be sitting home Netflix and chilling with yourself.
10. Delete his contact information
This is really, really hard to do. It's, well, permanent. But that's exactly the point. Once you delete him from your life, you'll be empowered to never have the chance to make the dreaded drunk text or phone call again.
Do you remember the time you sent him that text? The time you thought "I'm so witty and charming and I just HAVE to share something with him to make sure he remembers and misses me" and then he never responded? As much as you try to talk yourself into thinking it was "no big deal", you know in your sinking heart that you made the wrong move.
Caution: there is no worse feeling than that. The safest and only way to ensure this NEVER happens to you is to make it impossible. Delete, delete, block.
People say that time is the only way to heal a broken heart, but the quicker you can get over him, that faster you will meet the person you deserve.