'Am I Truly, Totally In Love?'

By ,

Relationship Coach: How To Know If You Have Unconditional Love
Have you accepted limitless love into your life? Celebrate it!

Love... it's grand, isn't it? But what's love if it isn't the real deal? Many people think that real love is unconditional — that is, limitless. We spoke with relationship experts Karen Anderson and Lori Beth Bisbey to help answer an important question: how will I know?

To start, Anderson explains, you'll have to define what unconditional love really is: "First, let's examine unconditional love from the inside out. Allow yourself to experience what it might feel like personally to receive unconditional love and then challenge yourself: can you provide this experience to another? What does that even look like? Here's an example: one day while gently meandering through routine moments, you experience a strong and overwhelming desire to share a part of yourself; a part that has delicate threads of shame and vulnerability woven throughout. Maybe in conversation with your lover or partner, or pillow talk, the moment seems right. You know, those delicates moments that immediately after you may want to dive under the bed and hide. It's scary, but it's a universal feeling if we've been brave enough to share."


Bisbey continues, explaining that, as we grow older, our image and idea of love might change: "As an adult, unconditional love can be an elusive beacon that we spend much of our lives chasing." Unconditional love provides us with a safe space where are accepted fully; a relationship in which we can be our authentic selves and be loved empathically receiving empathy and appreciation. When we are loved unconditionally, we grow toward our full potential. When someone sees us clearly and gives us open acceptance, we find it easier to accept our own issues and to move past self-imposed limitations. When we love unconditionally, we offer empathy and support to those we love. We support and inspire the subjects of our love to be as authentic as they can be.  We love them through the most difficulty of times as well as through times of joy and ease."

Of course, as Anderson explains, opening ourselves up to the possibility of real, unconditional love can be terrifying — but it's entirely worth it: "So now that you've generated that shameful feeling in your body (after sharing your deepest, truest self), you may find your muscles tightening, your heart racing — you may even want to cry or yell. But then your partner reaches out, looks at you and says, 'Thanks for sharing that.' Maybe they just smile and in that moment the darkest part that felt so flawed doesn't seem quite so dark anymore. You feel loved, you feel truly seen inside and out, and you feel known. It's that inexplicable moment in time when you get that sense that you are understood and not alone in the world."

Keep reading...

More Juicy Content From YourTango:

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Karen Anderson

Relationship Coach

Karen Anderson MS

Conscious Relationship Expert


Location: Las Vegas, NV
Credentials: LMFT, MS
Advanced Member

Dr Lori Bisbey

Relationship Coach

Lori Beth Bisbey, PhD

Certified Whole Person Coach

I work with bright motivated couples and polyamorous groups of all ages, genders, races, creeds, and sexualities to create enduring passionate relationships.  Anyone can create the love and intimate relationships of her dreams. If you can see it and you are committed to growth, communication and getting out into the world; you can manifest it!  The relationships you want start with you.  Come see me face to face, at a workshop/lecture, in a WebEx seminar or group, or set up a Skype chat and start your journey now!

Location: Sevenoaks, KEN, United Kingdom
Credentials: BS, MA, Other, PhD
Specialties: Chronic Pain/Disability or Illness, Couples/Marital Issues, Sexuality
Other Articles/News by Karen Anderson, Dr Lori Bisbey:

Can you stay in the flow of the moment?


It seems like we all know someone, if not ourselves, that is going through a difficult life experience. We want to be supportive and often offer expressions of “it’s all for the best”, “it will get better”…yet we know at some level our words only supply a hollow support to what they are going through and here’s ... Read more

If Life Is So Great, Why Is Everyone So Unhappy These Days?


It sounds cliché to say that 50 years ago life was simpler, but it was. Work and leisure time were divided more clearly. People were not easily reached outside of working hours, so problems in the office were put aside until the next working day. (Today, people feel pressure to be available 24/7.) Relationships and friendships were based on time spent ... Read more
Latest Expert Videos
Must-see Videos
Most Popular