Love is infinite, but is your patience? See if your relationship is ready to open up.
Open relationships, polyamory, and swinging are gaining more and more exposure in the media, and maybe you're curious about what it would be like to sleep with someone new, add a third person or another couple to your relationship, or even date outside of your relationship individually. But is your relationship ready to handle something other than monogamy?
Coupled folks, here are some questions to ask yourselves before you go welcoming more people into your bedroom, or into your life.
What is our relationship like, currently?
Are you happy together? Do you enjoy each other's company? Can you depend on one another? Do you trust one another? Before opening up, it is critical to ask these questions of yourselves. Bringing another person into a relationship can be incredibly destabilizing, and it is not a good solution for mending a broken relationship.
If you're not in a good place, consider whether your desires for other people might just be a distraction from work you need to do on your own relationship. Wanting to open up doesn't need to be a sign that it's time to move on. But doing it because you are unhappy is certain to lead to disaster.
What is our sex life like, right now?
Do you turn each other on? Do you have sex regularly—or about as often as you'd like to? Are you both feeling satisfied and pleased by the sex that you're having together?
Swinging can spice things up for an established couple, providing novelty and excitement. And polyamory can provide couples with mismatched libidos, or differing sexual interests, alternate outlets for their needs. But if your sex life together is stagnant, or miserable, or non-existent, think about what other means there might be to repair the problem. If your sex life is on the rocks, taking other partners can alienate you from each other and hurt the new partners in the process.
What does it feel like to imagine my partner with another?
Do you fantasize about watching your partner with someone else, but get jealous when you see someone flirt with them in real life? Jealousy is a powerful emotion, and most of us feel it at one time or another. But for some of us, the idea of our partner with another person can be hot, or even emotionally satisfying.
Be careful, however, if you are one of those people who has jealous feelings sometimes that border on violence. Much harm has been done in the name of jealousy, and when a fantasy turns to reality, sometimes people hurt each other. Make sure you know yourself and your partner very well before you attempt inviting other people into your intimate circle.
If you want to know more about how to heal your relationships, open your heart, and embrace your desires, call me for a free consultation.
More polyamory advice on YourTango:
- When Polyamory Leads To Cheating
- Monogamy Or Polyamory: Which One Is Right For You?
- Polyamorous: Could An Open Relationship Be Right For You?