Is It Time To Get Your Sexy Back?

By

Is It Time To Get Your Sexy Back?
The payoff for a good, healthy sex life is enormous, both for yourself and your relationship.

While sexual intimacy only takes up about 10 percent of a relationship in terms of time and energy, the payoff for a good sex life is tenfold, both for yourself and your relationship. But for many, the quality of their sex life is the first thing that starts to wan once they have settled in for a long haul. Maybe this is because the novelty has worn off; maybe this is because you’ve run out of new positions and ideas; maybe this is because it gets easy to take for granted that your mate will be there tomorrow if you have more energy or desire then. Regardless, it takes a personal and relational commitment to keep your sex life alive and healthy. So if you’ve been feeling a lack of luster in your sex life, here are some things to consider.

First, having a healthy and satisfying sex life enhances you in many ways. It relieves stress, promotes emotional and psychological well-being, releases lots of feel good hormones, supports physical health, and creates more intimacy and love within a committed relationship. Can’t beat that.

 

Second, there is no one right way to define a healthy and satisfying sexual relationship. You and your partner are the ones who will need to define that for yourselves. Conflict occurs in relationships when two people have different and often opposing needs and ideas. The challenge is for you and your partner to sit down with each other and find a definition that works toward nourishing and satisfying the needs of your relationship. If you approach the conflict from this perspective you will avoid settling into a power struggle of whose individual needs get met when and how. Finding a rhythm that works for the needs of the relationship will most likely end up satisfying both partners. And remember, your and your relationship’s needs will shift throughout a lifetime.

Third, it is not your partner’s responsibility to make you feel sexy. It is yours. Feeling sexy and gaining the benefits from a vital sex life starts with you. Do what you need to do to feel sexy. Take responsibility for your own sexual health. Take the initiative to spice things up. Be the seducer if you are typically not; allow yourself to be seduced if you typically don’t. Taking responsibility for your sexual health requires you to take responsibility for your self-care—physically, emotionally, psychologically, and spiritually.

Fourth, it is also your responsibility to make your partner feel sexy. That will look different for different people. Find out what your partner likes; let him know he still turns you on; let her know she’s still lights up the room. Understand that making your partner feel sexy begins outside of the bedroom; it starts with how you treat each other day in and day out. It comes out of the daily care and attention you provide for each other.

This article was originally published at Julie Orlov . Reprinted with permission.
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Julie Orlov

Counselor/Therapist

Julie Orlov, MAOL, MSW, LCSW
Relationship Builder

Speaker, Psychotherapist, Coach and Author of The Pathway to Love:
Create Intimacy and Transform Your Relationships through Self-Discovery
jorlov@julieorlov.com www.julieorlov.com
www.julieorlovconsulting.com
310-379-5855

Follow us on Facebook, Twitter, and Linked-In

 

Location: Hermosa Beach, CA
Credentials: LCSW, MSW, Other
Other Articles/News by Julie Orlov:

Why Do We Argue About the Same Issues Over and Over Again?

By

Every couple has their core issues. Some are relatively minor, some are quite serious. Some issues can be handled easily and resolved quickly. For example, a couple may have different needs when it comes to spending time together. One person may require a lot of time on their own, while their partner needs more together time. In this case, couples may find a ... Read more

10 Awesome (And Not-So-Awesome) Reasons You're Single

By

Too many people feel like they're sentenced to a lifetime of loneliness and singlehood. They see themselves as failures because they haven’t found the one or have found and lost the one more than once. I'd like to offer another perspective on the issue. For those of you who feel like you've somehow failed at love, think again. In truth, ... Read more

R-E-S-P-E-C-T: Find Out What It Means To YOU!

By

Mutual respect is key to successful relationships. Marriages take two people committed to the covenants of respect, and while every couple has the right and responsibility to define what that means to them, I'd thought I'd give you my definition (in acronym form) of RESPECT. Respond to each other's feelings and concerns in a thoughtful and non ... Read more

See More

 
PARTNER POSTS
Latest Expert Videos
ASK YOURTANGO MORE QUESTIONS
Must-see Videos
SEE MORE VIDEOS
Most Popular