Untangling The Sticky Science Of Dating And Physical Attraction


Untangling The Sticky Science Of Dating And Physical Attraction
Men dismiss women based on looks all the time. Is it OK for the ladies to do the same?

Let's talk about attraction — that illusive chemistry thing. If your dating life isn't going the way you'd like, it's time to chat about this pesky little subject. One of the biggest dating mistakes I'm seeing at my website, www.JulieFerman.com, is that today's modern-day woman often dismisses a guy too soon, before she knows enough about him to make a smart decision about his date-worthiness.

Many women veto a man because he's not her physical "type" — oh my, these women are sabotaging themselves without even knowing it. Don't be that girl. I've been interviewing, coaching and matchmaking with male and female clients for over 20 years, and I've found the very biggest distinction between men and women with regard to dating is that we girls can and do develop romantic attraction over time. Men? Not so much, sadly. It's harder for men to break past physical barriers, but women are much more able.


I ask this question to each single person I interview:

"Have you ever met someone whom you didn't find attractive initially, but then later, over time, as you really got to know that person you found that you did develop "the hots" for this person?"

Well, women have responded yes to that question around 85 percent of the time. But the men I've interviewed? Sadly, less than 5 percent of them have said yes.

Is this fair? Is this right? Well, maybe not, but it's just the way it is. It's not that men are shallow or superficial; it's really just a matter of biology. If a guy isn't attracted to a woman, he simply can't respond. His equipment just doesn't work. And um, we like their equipment, don't we?

I have a gentleman client at www.JulieFerman.com who's super cute and fit — essentially, your basic "It Guy." And yet he's only attracted to very slender Asian women. No other type of woman can get a chance with him. Another of my personal matchmaking clients is a guy who likes Kardashian curves and he just can't seem to develop attraction with a woman who's a hard-body runner type.

The smart way for women to date is to really consider the men who are attracted to you, rather than pining away for or chasing after the guy who catches your eye.

If you're doing online dating, you simply must post two key photos: a clear, current, happy-looking face shot, and you absolutely, positively need to also post a body shot. An up-to-date version of your bod (not in a bikini!) because you want to show off who you are.

The men who reach out to you? You've got a shot at them, so give them a chance. If the men you're attracted to aren't responding to you, then you're barking up the wrong tree, be it online or in real life. What about that guy who's hot for you but is not quite on target for you in terms of physicality? Go on a date with him. If he meets your top three critical criteria, give him a second date. If he is interested and attracted and pursuing you, give him a third date. If there's just no magic for you after three dates, it's OK to let him go at that point. Keep him as a friend, though, if you can.

So many men make the mistake of dismissing someone before they get to know them. Don't make that same error.

To be eligible for personal matchmaking referrals, be sure to register privately with me at www.JulieFerman.com

More dating advice from YourTango:

Article contributed by

Julie Ferman

Dating Coach

Julie Ferman, Founder


Awarded Best Matchmaker: 2013, 2012, 2011, 2010 by iDate and Online Personals Watch

Location: Westlake Village, CA
Credentials: Other
Specialties: Dating/Being Single Support, Life Management, Matchmaking
Other Articles/News by Julie Ferman:

Snag Your Dream Guy On Your Coffee Run In 5 Easy Steps!


You'd love to be in love. You're finally ready, the timing is great, and yet ... you have no immediate prospects. It can be tough to make this realization, but here's a powerful practice to integrate into your daily routine. It's an assignment I often give to my personal matchmaking clients, and it works like magic. Here's how you ... Read more

The #1 Secret Weapon Guaranteed To Make You A Dating Success


I believe that how we do one thing is how we do most things. If you do this one thing I'm about to tell you about ... and do it all day long, every day of your life, starting today, by the end of this year your life (and your dating life) will look entirely different. This, ladies (and gentlemen), is a conversation about kindness. First, the ... Read more

5 Ways To Attract New Love And Have The Best Holiday EVER


The holidays are a great time for dating. Our hearts are vulnerable and those twangs of nostalgia tug at each of us, reminding us of our innate need to cconnect with our fellow man. Here's how to take advantage of the sappy season ahead of us: 1. Sprinkle in some proactive love energy. 'Tis the season for giving, yes? Do something this year ... Read more

See More

My Videos
Must-see Videos
Most Popular