Still Single? Stop Aiming Out Of Your League


Dating People Who Are Out Of Your League
Keep your expectations down to Earth.

Are you shooting out of your league? Here's how to know. If the majority of the people you're interested in dating are not stepping up to the plate to date you, then that's a strong indicator that you're shooting out of your league, and you're setting yourself up for rejection and disappointment.

Expectations that are keeping lots of women single.

  1. "I'm used to being with a wealthy man, who enjoys fine dining, traveling first class and who's always dressed well." Sounds nice, but how long ago was it that this type of man was chasing after you? Are these kinds of men knocking on your door today? If not, then expecting this to happen might be setting yourself up for plenty of disappointment.
  2. "I've always been with very attractive men." Lovely, but is the phone you're using today buzzing with hunky Clooney types who are hot to date you now?

Expectations that are keeping lots of men single.

  1. "I've always been with much younger women." Goodie for you, but how's that working for you these days? The older a man is, the less likely the much younger woman will be to give him a shot. Women outlive men by a significant margin, and women stay healthy and vital much longer than men do. In my 20+ years as a professional matchmaker, when I see a woman pairing with a much older man, it's usually pretty clear that she's either after his resources or she's got daddy issues, neither of which is great for the man.
  2. "I like being with a very attractive woman." Of course you do, but do they like being with you? Are the women you're attracted to giving you a shot these days? And if so, are you finding substance, strong morals and values, and rock solid character beneath the surface? Are these very attractive women showing you respect, appreciation, attention and devotion? Are they showing up to be partner material? If not, then your expectations may be hurting your chances of finding a great partnership.

The biggest frustration I see in my work as a professional matchmaker is watching really good people "miss" the chance to meet and date and partner with other really good people, for what are usually silly, superficial reasons. And then these great people are sitting out on the sidelines, not really dating anyone because their expectations aren't in line with reality, and they're dismissing far too many possibilities while fruitlessly hoping for and waiting for the right "type" to show up. The best catch is rarely the best looking or the wealthiest person in the room. Beauty and wealth often breed narcissism.

What to do?

  1. Get very, very clear about what your Top Three Critical Criteria are in the person you want to meet and date, and focus on those people who meet those criteria.
  2. Broaden your search criteria just a bit to bring into your field of vision a slightly larger group of candidates, and see what happens.
  3. Say Yes to the candidates who DO meet your Top Three Critical Criteria and watch for surprises.

Of the 1,163 marriages I've witnessed, most of these successful pairings came as a surprise to one or both, and often to me too, as the matchmaker. If your type isn't delivering for you, be willing to date off-type, and let me know what happens.

Want more dating opportunities? Register privately here, so we can find you when we're searching for our clients throughout the U.S., Canada and beyond. 

More on Dating on YourTango: 

  1. 25 Date Night Ideas That Aren't Cheesy
  2. 7 Dating Websites You Won't Believe Exist
  3. 10 Dating Tips I Wish I'd Followed While I was Single
Article contributed by

Julie Ferman

Dating Coach

Julie Ferman, Founder

Awarded Best Matchmaker: 2013, 2012, 2011, 2010 by iDate and Online Personals Watch

Location: Westlake Village, CA
Credentials: Other
Specialties: Dating/Being Single Support, Life Management, Matchmaking
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