Why We Repeatedly Choose The Wrong Relationships
By Julia Flood. Posted on .
It seems so simple – two people are attracted to each other, and they either get along and the relationship grows or not, and so they break up and move on. But how often do relationships actually work this way?
On one hand, there are couples who have been unhappily married for 30-plus years, and on the other hand, everyone knows friends who break up with partners every two months, only to date the next, eerily similar candidate. So, why do people pick lovers that break their hearts?
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The devil you know. People tend to be drawn to the familiar. Whether it's a former boyfriend, your mom, dad, or brother – regardless of how crazy they may have been – basically, you've become an expert in managing life alongside them. It was tough, but you learned how to handle (or elegantly avoid) them.
Craziness no longer scares you. Maybe you've played a key role in maintaining sanity in your family, and if so, you may take pride in that. You've survived and mastered that challenge, and now it is familiar, even comfortable to you. So when you meet that type of person, you're naturally drawn towards him/her.
The dysfunctional duo. Sometimes the reason you're with somebody is not for all the rational reasons you think, but instead because that person meets a subconscious need in you. The problem is that it can create a bad dynamic. If you're struggling with depression or boredom, a "drama queen" (or king) makes you feel alive, but also turns your life into a roller coaster. If you're a wallflower, a charming narcissist might help your social status, but he's hell to live with.
These are some of the reasons people get into these bad relationships, but the next question is: Why do we stay in bad relationships? Let's look at some reasons. Keep reading...
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